


Heart of the Labyrinth

by sureva



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-07-19 16:47:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7369846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sureva/pseuds/sureva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Rin…” the angel struggled with the words, trying to drown his nervousness in fiddling the hem of his cloth. He didn’t feel brave enough to confront the demon.<br/>Finally, he raised his head, a fragile determination on his face. </p><p>“Are you lonely?”</p><p>Ai tried to keep his tone calm, but the sadness loaded in those words filtered through. Meeting the clearly confused look on the man's face, the angel understood he was expected to explain himself. Heart in his throat, he managed to whisper:</p><p>“Because I am”.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Labyrinth

The next moment the whole world went upside down. Where there had been ground, was now sky and the other way round. It took less than a second before Ai realized he was falling. The reality really slapped him in the face; when he snapped out of it, it was already too late.

The little angel let out a terrified cry. The sudden weightless state of his body made his blood run cold and his head scatter. He was falling from terribly high; the height only was enough to turn his stomach, yet alone the speed. There was no time to think, no time to inhale, and Ai could feel panic invading his lungs and cells a bit more every second.

Thin air divided when he plummeted through the scene. The tremendous speed messed up his head so eventually he wasn’t sure where he was heading, as everything winded around him so blurred. The landscape escaped him, and made it hard to locate –he couldn’t tell what was waiting down there.

 

Fortunately and in spite of his confusion, the solution occurred him. His wings! Ai felt like an infant, too young of a baby bird on its first flight. Why he hadn’t understood earlier: by opening his wings, he would maybe soften the landing, if not prevent it altogether.

The angel tried to slowly slide his wings open against his sides, avoiding sudden movements. His fate was now completely up to him. Unfortunately, the wind grabbed his wings –and sent him spinning, tangling the feathers tightly to each other. As a lump of white fluff and terror, the angel spun through the air, perfectly out of control. And the thought struck him hard that now, the situation was beyond remedy: in all truth he would crash soon.

Wrapping his arms tightly around his body, Ai let out a whimper and slammed his eyes shut. The landing wasn't more than a few seconds away, and every second the ground came menacingly closer. His fate was approaching him inevitably, and so it did, until it was so close he would've been able to touch it.

 

To the rest of the world the fall appeared soundless, muted like most of the most beautiful scenes. The angel came down like a shooting star, and maybe someone's wish came true in that moment.

 

He crashed.

 

There definitely were some gods on the angel’s side, because the landing didn’t outcome deadly. A brief moment of silence occurred, then some coughs and finally a furious gasp for breath.

Ai whined in pain. He was lying on his back, stuck on something that appeared to be a hedgerow. 

He stayed like that for a while. The series of events just didn’t make any sense, no matter from which angle he studied them. For about a minute ago he had been home, peacefully, the blessed grass of the Heaven under his feet. Now, he found himself in situation he would never have been able to predict.

The angel tried to lift himself up warily, branches scratching his skin. Feeling his limbs move was definitely a pleasant surprise, as Ai had assured it to be the end of his. At any rate, it had been a very close call.

Hesitating, the angel moved to meet the view that opened around him.

 

A labyrinth. It took him a moment to understand what he was seeing, for he hadn’t met a similar system ever before. The puzzle unfolded further than he could see, in every direction. It appeared dark and unapproachable, and the angel felt a cold shiver in his spine.

Ai shook his head trying to shed the uneasy feeling off his skin, and turned to focus on freeing himself. His wings were crushed deep into the thicket, and therefore they had to be dug out with care, feather by feather. Slipping his feet over the edge, he let out a small "ouch" when hitting the ground. Pain shuddered his body, and the angel pirouetted clumsily in order to find out the injuries. Some bruises and many minor scratches here and there was found. 

Ai gently untangled his wings, and rocking them gently back and forth, tested them out. A relieved smile creeped in the corners of his mouth, as he found them sound, but it soon fell secondary. The lone wind prickled his skin, when the angel turned nervously to meet the face of the unknown.

Leaving some stray feathers behind, he took first timid step.

 

The labyrinth.

That enormous scheme was something his mind couldn't quite make accounts with: full of dead ends, dark aisles, corner after corner. It felt like his feet never stopped walking; there never was anything else to see, because after every turn there was always a new corner, a same-looking corridor, a new shadowy aisle... Furthermore, the world looked exactly the same no matter where he roamed, like it had just suddenly cloned itself, and he found nothing to break the illusion of equality.

Ai couldn't comprehend where he was coming from, or where he was heading. The labyrinth included no landmarks he could have associate his location with. Above all, he highly doubted if staying on the map really mattered there; as there wasn’t anything to aspire to.

The further he roamed, the more desperate he felt. The illogicality of that world was driving him to his limits, and the lack of sleep and safety didn’t help the matter. The angel was covered entirely with pale sand and dust; his bare feet were bleeding with every step. Its soft flesh wasn't accustomed to walking on such a craggy path.

 

It had been days. Days of pointless wandering, isolation and wasted tears. Ai didn't want to give up, but his surroundings left him with no other solutions. He missed home: the heaven was there, so near yet so far, and the little angel found the inaccessibility very frustrating. The grey sky of every day offered no comfort, not when the angel threw his hands in the air, nor when he silently wished to be taken back there.

 

The scariest thing was probably the loneliness. Being a sociable little angel he was, the isolation was cutting it close with his sanity. He was lost and afraid, and having at least somebody to share those feelings would have made it better. He didn't even miss home all that much than he missed a friend, who would hold his hand through this journey, and maybe tell him it was all about to get better...

 

He was exhausted. 

Hugging his knees, the angel sat in the corner of his prison. Keen eyes measured the injuries on his hands –the palms were plastered with small scratches, as well as his knees and elbows. It was all due to his attempts to climb the fence, to certify that there was nothing else to see except the same old infinity.

His whole body ached; even his wings, which he had used to reckon as his number one strength, were running out of energy with alarming pace. He was so tired, tired of it all –The millions and millions of questions he wanted to ask were left hanging in the air, as there was no one to answer him. Nothing made sense in that bizarre setting. When the unfamiliarity creeped back to him alongside the evening, he let his mind wander back home.

His friends were probably wondering where he had gone. Ai amused himself with imagining the panic –his friends were really ones to make a big fuss about everything! A warm, fuzzy feeling filled him every time he thought about them; his friends were always a lot of fun.

It was about then, when the thought first occurred him; the realization that he might never see them again.

 

And then came the tears –familiarly filling his eyes, choosing the same old routes, streaming down his cheeks like they were used to –Ai was always known to be a cry baby, he couldn’t help it.

Ai tried to get back on his feet. It was pretty gawky, his face baffled and wings fluffed up like that. The angel took time to rub the hot tears off his eyes, ashamed of himself and his flushed cheeks. Wobbling, he staggered forward slowly and unsteadily. He was determined to show his friends he wasn’t as weak as what he had been called, build fragile or not.

Continuing the journey, his feet brought him mindlessly, corner after corner. Still wiping off the water from his cheeks, he noticed something odd. It was a sound –the only sounds in the labyrinth were the occasional blasts of wind, but that was something different. Ai suspected his lonely brain was sending him hallucinations, but the blink of hope had already sent his hopeful heart flying –nothing could protect it from sinking anymore. 

The angel lifted his gaze to meet whatever there was, and it felt like the time stopped in that moment.

 

A tall figure was standing on the edge of the bench. A man, his clothes dark and hair a vibrant shade of red, as sharp as his eyes. He had wings, too, but they were the most frightful ones Ai had ever seen. There wasn’t any feathers, only exposed bones, skin and nasty-looking spikes, the same color than his horns. 

Ai couldn’t get his eyes off of the creature. He felt like he had been cursed, feet rooted onto the ground to inhibit any will of escape. Even if the moment only lasted for a second, it felt like the whole eternity for him. There was no sound; except the loud beating of Ai’s heart.

 

The demon turned his eyes on him.

 

The gaze of those piercing red eyes was so powerful it took all the air from Ai’s lungs. The eye contact made him his possession. And the realization, that the demon had seen him, made everything cold; in Ai’s head, the whole scene instantly froze. There was nothing to be done, so he turned his heels and ran away.

 

Ai kept on running for a while, regardless of his bleeding soles, and as he did, everything melted. 

A demon.

Although Ai had never seen one in his own eyes, he immediately recognized the creature based on the stories he had heard. They weren't nice stories, and he really wanted to shake the thought off his head, but the image of the creature was burnt indelibly to the back of his mind. It kicked his heart to overdrive, until he felt panicked to almost suffocating.

The angel flew from both the demon and the horrifying thoughts. The worst feeling was the growing consciousness, the mortifying realization that he wouldn’t be safe in the labyrinth. Who knows how many demons it included after all? It was like adding insult to the injury. Frustrated tears started burning the corner of his eyes again, but he tried to swallow the feelings of betrayal.

Ai stopped to lean on the bench, trembling, panting. His body couldn’t take it any longer.

Deep in anxious thoughts, the angel waited for his breath to stabilize. In the pace of his burning lungs wheezing, he tried to keep himself collected –to distinguish real life from nightmare, right then was an excessive task. It made him accept other abnormalities without questioning.

Namely even his senses numbed to the edge of falling apart, he still managed to catch a hint of something familiar. Ai noticed the direction he had took was an unusual one, and the note lit up his curiosity anew. The angel then traced the sign further, like following a white rabbit; and all the way in the far end, located an entrance.

 

The gentle wind welcomed the shattered one. It brought the calming odour of the flowers, lakes and grass. Like enchanted, Ai made his way to the glowing entry. 

 

The vision of the garden overloaded all of his senses; for a moment, he was sure he was either dead or asleep. But the feeling of the soft grass under his feet was undoubtedly real, its softness like a beautiful lie.

The angel lingered over the small lake, the oak, and the flower field. His paradise was small, but so was he, so it suited him just right. Although he was sure he was dreaming, he couldn't care less. The garden was like an answer to all of his prayers, a rescue to his aching body. 

Ai let the warm wind lull him into the blessed dream. He watched calmly as it caught some petals and brought them over to the lake, and was taken aback of how something so simple was able to make him feel so much happiness. The sweet wind caressed his wings, and it wasn’t until then when he noticed how tired he really was. He had been holding his breath unconsciously, and when he finally was able to let it go, he felt all the pain and anxiety fall off of his shoulders. 

The angel allowed his knees to fail, and landed on the soft greenness. He felt endlessly happy, and could finally sink into sleep, finally safe and in peace.

 

After that, there was only soft breathing, and the presence of the other, much taller and covered in darkness.


	2. First Meeting

Ai didn’t know how long he had been asleep. In any case, it had been a long time. 

Slowly surfacing, the angel felt like his body weighed a ton. There was tiny flowers all over the place, he noticed. The warmth and illumination of the sun’s rays played on his wings, giving them almost a golden shade. They swayed, enjoying the rare sensation. It was almost the time for him to lift his lids, wavering. 

Ai turned on his side, and not bothering to move his other limbs, he just slowly untangled his wings. The angel didn’t want to be aware of his surroundings just yet, for the dreaming state had been so comforting. But eventually, he would choose the temptations of the day rather than sleeping, for he knew each day have something precious to offer.

 

So Ai opened his eyes, blinking the sleepiness off. The first thing that greeted him, was a sharp instinct that hit him, and it startled him wide awake.

 

He wasn’t alone.

 

The demon was there. Crotched on his level, staring intently on him. There was only a few inches space between them. 

 

Ai quailed at the sight.

The realization came like a cold shower. To meet a demon as the first thing in the morning left him upset, particularly after the danger of the situation fully dawned on him. In no time fear crossed the angel’s face.

He tried to withdrew, only to found out he was positioned back against a wall. Wings brushing against the dense thicket, he turned forward slowly, trembling. In the scene it felt like the air had just ran out; for when he opened his mouth, nothing happened –only his insides tightened in suffocating fear. 

Ai’s hands shook, and his heart shook. It seemed like the universe allowed him no options; like his role was to obey the destiny’s plan. Trying to catch his breath, trying to shelter his small body, he curled his hands in front of him for a shield, and prepared for an attack of some kind.

 

But nothing happened. 

 

For a while it was quiet. Neither of them dared to move. Finally, Ai lowered his hands a little to peer at the demon –and found shining rubies looking straight back at him. Heart in his mouth, Ai tried to think, but a persistent throbbing in his ears made it impossible. Mistrustfully, the two of them stared at each other.

Ai felt oppressed under those fierce red eyes. He understood that the demon had watched him sleep, and shivered for the thought. His gaze was pinning him down, and it felt like the demon could see right through him, into the most private parts of his soul. It did not relent, and the angel was terrified; his pale blue eyes wide and watery. 

The demon stayed in place stock-still, watching, breathing. The wind waved crimson strands, and collided with the leathery wings.

The expression on the man’s face was calm and emotionless. Ai found him impossible to read –he knew hardly anything about demons overall. Trying to think back of what he had heard about them before, the angel only recalled the horror stories –the ones where the demons raped and tortured their victims, and cut off little angels’ wings. Ai started to feel really nauseous, and failed in concealing his shivering.

 

The angel lift his eyes to meet his opponent’s. Fragile and defeated, he drooped his wings, feeling very unprepared for whatever was coming.

 

Finally, their unwilling eye game broke, as the demon reached his hand out to Ai.

 

Ai yelped. He tried to back off by flapping his wings furiously, but they only ended on hitting the wall painfully. A high-pitched, repressed sob escaped his throat. 

Was that it? The end of his? The devastating thought hit him with an open hand. The feeling was consuming; he wasn’t ready to accept his destiny, although he wasn’t up for denying it either. Small hands rose instinctively as an attempt to cover his narrow frame.

Altogether, the angel was far away from home, and in the hands of the unknown. Everything was so unstable; he could feel the anxiety cutting a hole through his ribs and shaking his heart. He had nothing to lose in that place, so he gathered the remains of his courage, and brought out the final plea. 

 

“Please”.

 

A soft whisper filled the empty space between them. And for a second, not even a breath broke that heavy silence settled.

 

Then, Ai felt a touch on his skin.

It was a faint touch on his left cheek; heavy, hesitating, and oddly enough: fairly comforting. Ai slowly opened his eyes, his vulnerable heart beating uncovered in his chest.

 

The hand holding his face felt cold; the palm cupping the angel’s plump cheek fitted perfectly. Ai was on the verge of tears, utterly confused. There was clear water filling up his bright eyes; a shade of pink tinting his cheeks and lips. The lower one was pouting slightly, just an addition to the soft delicate expression.

 

The silence surrounded them, and allowed the angel to notice the most minor details. How the demon’s fingers were too long, and therefore tangled on the downy hair of his neck. Palm pressing against his lips, his fingertips brushed his ear, and Ai could feel his cheeks heating up.

 

Uncertain, the angel lift his gaze.

 

The demon carefully watched him, his expression subtly changed. The look was thoughtful, affective even. There was a feeling of respect in the air: Ai felt included. 

He was _so_ close. The presence was strong and dominant, and it made Ai’s shyness to emerge: he wanted to curl up in his wings, to retreat behind the soft familiar curtain. But now he had a chance to observe the demon’s features safely, and he chose that over hiding.

Everything in him was very different from Ai. The angel became intrigued in that sharp jawline and nose bridge, his thin brows that were furrowed together, eyelashes the same color than his hair... He was beautiful.

And those eyes Ai had been so afraid to meet; up close, they were even more astounding. Like bottomless, dark ponds, reflecting all the sadness of his.

 

Ai exhaled shakily.

 

He had just found one of the many secrets in the world. Everything fell into indifference compared to that mystery; the demon’s true colors. It was just like a puzzle; a dark, intricate one. 

Although the angel concluded that he should not get too invested: he also knew his decision was already shaking. Furthermore, the look in the demon’s eyes was so fascinated he could feel it even his eyelids shut; which meant that the demon was at least equally invested in him.

 

Ai felt weak. Lingering, he formed a timid question: 

 

“A… Are you going to hurt me”?

 

Something changed in the demon’s eyes. A hovering blink of something greater; a memory or a feeling. Later on Ai doubted if that flash had been only his imagination, although in that moment the feeling felt very real. 

 

The demon let his hand drop. In disbelief, he stared at the angel and slowly shook his head –he might had considered his intentions clearer than what they actually came across. For finally fixing the miscommunication, and for validating his answer, he carefully weighed his wings down.

 

That sudden sign of faith filled Ai with a new glint of hope, and for response he swayed his own white ones.

Happily, the little angel gasped; he really hadn’t expected that turn of events, but it was more than welcomed. Now his mind was filled with curiosity: he had millions of questions, and debating himself for a while Ai arranged them by importance. Nervously twiddling his fingers, the angel pondered if he was being too straightforward or not. The inner dialogue flowed until he had made his decision.

 

“Uh… I, my name’s-“ 

The angel blundered his words, and had to blink a few times in order to erase the awkward blush. 

“My name is Ai. What’s yours?”

 

The demon hesitated. The curious question left little room for him, and the moment quickly grew uneasy.

 

The moment prolonged, and silence thickened around the garden. Impatience established quickly a tight knot in Ai’s stomach. He wondered if he had gone too far; as he wasn’t sure if they even spoke the same language. The angel was expecting the worst possible outcome –then a rough voice spoke up.

 

“Rin”.

 

Ai turned to look Rin into his eyes. He was completely awed, and keen on the rare information by his stubborn companion. And the name, it was so beautiful it would’ve suited an angel. Indeed, the atmosphere of the moment changed. The trust between them was finally established –it stemmed from the shared personal information. Their main property, to be exact; a name. 

 

Rin turned his eyes off of the angel and stood up, walking away. Ai watched after him, staying still. The understanding tenderly occurred him; he wasn’t alone, and the realization felt blissful. After all, the man had won his trust, and although they were stuck in a giant labyrinth, it would’ve been worse.

The angel made a sound of delight and ruffled his wings, happily flapping them in order to get up. He was filled with his usual vivid energy. Bouncing after the demon, he had to hurry to scale down the gap that had formed between them.


	3. Coming Along

It had been a while now.

 

Despite the cycling of the sun, no matter how gracefully it rose at the dawn nor how it went down steadily at the evening, things hardly changed.

 

Ai would come out every morning the same pace than the sun, and seek out for Rin: his introvert friend would always be found at the same place than where they had last met the night before. That kind of stability offered comfort to the little angel, who was relieved he could share the same existence with another person. 

Days fled by in a peaceful rhythm, as Ai told Rin stories about his friends, pointed out pretty flowers and brought lost baby birds to his quiet listener to see. For Ai, every day was a new adventure, waiting to be explored. But the biggest mystery in need of exploring was his companion.

 

For Ai, there was always something unexplainable in Rin, something beyond words’ reach.

 

Although it was just a hunch. His stubborn silence, the way he hung his wings over his shoulders like he was protecting himself from something. Ai put all the little details on notion, and they attracted him to examine Rin more.

There was something, that clearly hold him back and ate him alive, and Ai was dying to know if there was anything he could do. He was ready to try his hardest for his sake; as expected from the selfless nature of an angel. His nervous yet content heart kept pushing out his feelings, hoping the other would pick them up; resonating in order to reach the other’s beat. And although the other was yet to answer; it was obvious that they were there.

It kept him from feeling homesick, fortunately; having his hands full with trying to understand Rin. Ai had directed all his energy to the task; guided with his strong will to understand. In awe the angel tried to figure out all the secrets behind that cold appearance; spending hours and hours staring at his silent companion. What was going on in that beautiful mind? Nevertheless, he knew there was a chance he might never find out. The thought didn’t bother him; but the feeling that the demon was watching him, observing in dead silence, it did. 

 

In the end, it was scaring him.

There was something so dead in the demon’s eyes that Ai felt bewildered; those deep and dark crystals were hypnotizing to look at. He wanted to retrieve, but couldn’t help wondering, what kind of things they had seen. Were his memories grown golden over time, or was he trapped and lonely inside his small house? No one acquired the secret of those thousands dead sunsets hiding in that weary heart; it was a mystery. And although the angel was very afraid of it, he found himself being more and more drawn towards the demon as the nights passed.

 

There were things in Rin that felt familiar to Ai. Whatever his soul was made of, he felt his was the same. Some parts of him appeared so similar, it set a fire in Ai’s heart. It filled up the void the loneliness had drilled in him; and it kept him going, for he couldn’t leave things as they were. 

Because there were days when Rin couldn’t quite grasp it. Those days, whatever Ai tried, Rin couldn’t be talked over it. In those days, Ai would eventually sit next to him, hug his knees and let the silence do the job. So much that he would’ve wanted to hold his hand, he knew he couldn’t –it would only frighten the man away. Biting his tongue, the angel tried his best to hold back his overflowing worry, for he didn’t want to ruin the few good things they had. Despite the fact Rin needed a lot of time alone regularly, he would always come back to him, time had proved it –and Ai cherished every homecoming. That otherwise rare feeling of trust sparked in the midst of those cloudy days, and he clung to it: for it made him endlessly happy.

 

And the time came, when Ai had embraced Rin’s behavior so thoroughly he would be able to predict when that kind of cold day was coming. He would notice the minor signs of retreating inward from the demon’s manners, and be prepared. Eventually it all was kind of in vain, because by the time that kind of days became more and more rare. 

 

They were replaced by the lively days, the ones where Rin would come to the smaller one and teach him about life in there: where to sleep, where to direct if he ever got lost, and how to handle its realness in general. Those advice never went to waste, as Ai always listened carefully and tried to commit a memory of everything that could come in handy.

Overall, Rin learned to take him on notion wherever he wanted to change his surroundings. After a few tries, he learned to wait for the angel to rush after him before leaving the garden. And, eventually, the demon started to slow down his steps as he noticed the little one was having a hard time keeping up…

 

Although usually the angel never left the small garden in order to stay with Rin; he felt safe there. Still sometimes, Rin would show the curious angel around the place, tell him about the trees and ruins they saw, and sometimes, smile. Ai loved those days, but above all, he loved Rin’s smile. The thought that he could bring someone so beautiful to smile, was that kind which would make his toes curl and stomach feel funny with bubbling pride. And the angel grew into the man like a newborn duckling that gets attached to the first person they see: maybe shedding off the remaining pieces of eggshell before waddling after them. 

 

Despite of everything that was between them, their differences, little quirks and twists in personalities, there was a faint of comforting trust, though it was still a fragile one. The ocean between them was gradually narrowing; now, it was up to them to make it disappear. Waiting for the morning to come, two heartbeats were reaching the same pace in the dark.

 

And on the sleepless nights, Ai would make little braids in Rin’s hair. The angel was endlessly fascinated by the intensity of the vivid red, as his own locks were a disappointing pale shade of silver.

 

And Rin would always allow him to do so, pretending to be asleep himself.


	4. Contradictions

It was a lazy afternoon.

The two of them were sitting next to each other, enjoying each other’s company. The garden was listless, a few blades of grass swaying in the wind. All the birds were silent.

 

They were in the middle of a conversation, seemingly having fun. Although, the interaction was mainly maintained by Ai. He had another story about his friends and their adventures he wanted to share. Rin listened mindlessly, his thoughts wandering somewhere over the lake and the realm. He felt drowsy.

It all flowed naturally, in its own adapted pace. The story was wonderful; enchanted with Ai’s enthusiasm. His storytelling was always a bit goofy, which made listening particularly entertaining. Rin felt content. But it was temporary; that time, something in the way the boy spoke was off.

 

Ai kept talking, but with more pauses. The story prolonged, as Ai stumbled his words, and hovered over single facts. He really wanted to complete his story, but ended up struggling with it more and more with every term that left his lips. Silence became dictatorial, as he kept missing words and losing the idea in the middle of the sentence. Finally, The angel gave it up, bitter frustration burning his cheeks. Hunching his shoulders, Ai stared his hands unbelievingly.

 

Rin noticed the change of atmosphere and got up, his gaze questioning. “What’s wrong”, the demon simply asked, and Ai turned his eyes on him. They were full of pain. 

 

“I… don’t remember their faces”, Ai muttered, hardly believing it himself. The more he tried to cling onto his memories, the faster they slipped away from his reach. Doubting his own head, Ai blinked his eyes shut a few times and opened them again, all the effort in vain. It seemed that violently trying to cling onto them, would only cause them to vanish in the haze. Forgetting seemed to be the only solution, but the angel stubbornly refused to accept it.

 

“Whose?” Rin asked, obviously out of the subject. 

 

“My friends…” the angel managed to whisper out.

 

Puzzled, Rin shook his head. Wavering, he moved his lips, and it took Ai a moment to catch up with what he had said. 

 

“Why does that even matter…” Rin sighed apathetically, shrugging his shoulders.

 

Ai could only stare at him. The disappointment of seeking compassion and failing to receive none; it’s a feeling among the worst. The man’s harshness had caught him by surprise; that time, his emptied head refused to get over it. Suddenly Ai understood how huge the distance between them really was; he felt as if he was watching the man through a wall of glass, and it felt chilly underneath his skin.

 

Of course it mattered. His friends wandered with him in his memories; with them, anywhere could feel like home. Now, Ai didn’t know what to do to be at ease: a minute ago so clean faces were now muddling in his brain, features muddy and faded. Only those precious, cherished memories had prevented him from going astray. He had always lamented the steps of those who walk alone; now, he reasoned that he was meant to take the same path.

 

“Why don’t you understand?”

 

Rin turned his eyes on the angel, who had left an upset question in the air. Pained expression over his face he looked like something had just shattered his heart. 

 

Despite of how much the angel cared about the demon, his emotionlessness was unbearable for him. Because the angels’ whole existence is just feeling; their small bodies are constructed by tenderness, padded out with flowers. Their emotional stability is sensitive as those intricate machines that register earthquakes, a damage in that can turn out fatal. 

 

Ai inhaled sharply; guilt replacing disbelief painfully. He understood it was his fault for he had so blindly trusted the demon with his feelings. Yeah, he had been naïve and childish to think that the demon could understand him –for they were such an opposites in character. 

But as the moon follows the sun despite their divergence; so was the boy’s heart attracted to the demon’s. Being an outsider is never a choice of any soul –the angel wasn’t an exception to that rule.

Big, frustrated tears born out of that conflict left Ai’s eyes, flowing on his cheeks. He knew he just had his hopes too high with Rin, that was all. But the disappointment weighed in his ribcage, breaking his glass bones, injuring him. Ai blamed himself, for he had always done so when things backfired on him. It was the easiest way; for protecting himself wasn’t his top priority, but to be able to save others at least a little was.

 

Rin watched the shaking boy silently. The angel had covered his face with his hands, embarrassed to appear messed up like that. Quiet sobs colored the air in their space. Ai was unable to keep his overflowing emotions in check, and they leaked, filling him up and spilling over until they poured all over his face. Meanwhile the demon still hadn’t moved, hadn’t made a single sound; instead he stood still like a statue. His inactivity acted as a proof to Ai, and finally the feeble angel saw no other options but to leave.

 

 

 

It was already a night when Ai came back.

 

Tiptoeing, the young angel slowly returned to the garden. After spending the whole evening in the labyrinth, with just himself and his thoughts, he was exhausted. It had been a long day, and he regretted leaving Rin by himself like that. He regretted everything.

 

Ai wanted to apologize for his actions, but he was too scared to open his mouth. He had caused such an inconvenience; Rin was most likely sick of him by now. Although Ai tried to shake the negative thoughts off, they had found their way to his heart, and caused a scar to his flesh. He felt ashamed and shy and afraid, afraid that he wasn’t wanted. An old sore spot, a reminder that he was nothing but a burden raised its head; it made him feel so useless he wanted to cry. 

He had to find Rin. In the end, he was drawn towards the man beyond remedy; for he knew his heart was in Rin’s hand, and only Rin had the power to soothe it. The desire of apologizing was burning, he just really wanted to set things right again.

 

Searching the demon with his gaze, Ai spotted him standing by the lake. Wings anxiously ruffling, the angel approached the man, but became nervous just before reaching him. Stopping a few meters behind Rin’s back, Ai stayed there quietly, letting all his insecurities occur him once again. 

 

The silence was deafening.

Heart in his throat, Ai stared at the man’s neck. A pale glow shone through the darkness, illuminating his skin. It looked surreal, when the light landed on his face, and reflected from his features. It seemed almost like he wasn’t flesh and bones anymore, but just a creation of pale moonlight; Ai wanted to touch him, to ensure he was still there. For him. 

Holding his breath, the angel stretched out his small hands. They were shaking with anxiety, but the craving for an another living, breathing creature won and he reached out further, with all his might. Despite the excessive fear of going through and falling over, his fingers met with the other’s skin. Tenderly brushing Rin’s arm with his fingertips, Ai inhaled. His fingertips hurt.

 

“I’m sorry”. 

 

Rin heard the angel’s barely audible whisper, but hardly glanced down at him. He must’ve noticed him ages ago, but something had kept him back. Rin could imagine the softly trembling figure behind him, and sighed. Not bothering to relocate his skyline-fixed gaze, he simply said “No”.

 

Ai froze. It was a sinking feeling in his stomach, which left his body cold. An injured heart skipped a beat.

 

Shrugging, Rin let his head down and wriggled away from the angel’s touch. The darkness was embracing the garden. It allowed the moon to shine even more beautifully, and it did, shedding its light over the land and them as heart strings. Rin inhaled deeply.

 

“I… Should be the one… Who’s sorry, right?”, the demon clumsily vocalized his sentence.

 

 

The truth was simple and hiding within sight. Rin didn’t understand the boy. But he did understand what he didn’t understand, and he wanted to make up that loss.

 

Earlier that day, the angel’s overflowing change of emotions had happened so rapidly it had left him completely dumbstruck. Unable to figure out what to do or say, Rin had chosen not to interfere, as he had been afraid he’d just end up making the matters worse. Simply put, Rin respected Ai’s feelings, but couldn’t relate.

Was it the hundreds of years of isolation or his mental health, he didn’t know; but being unable to recall any memories of any people was a curse he had always had. He wasn’t sure if he had had any friends from the beginning; he wasn’t sure… If he had been alone always. One of the fundamental concepts in his world order was that he had never been outside the labyrinth, which made the latter very likely.

 

On that day, Ai had just bounced into his life. After that, Rin just had had to conform and cope with that new, enthusiastic companion of his. Every new day provided vastly new things to learn, and Rin was still trying to keep up, feeling inadequate with the matter. After all he had zero knowledge of how to socialize, and it made him awkward around the other; on the task he felt like a beginner. 

 

And then there was Ai. He was something so different; lively, joyful, always blooming and bubbling up with colors so bright Rin found it hard to look right at him. His eyes were accustomed to the everlasting darkness, and they strained whenever he looked at him. Ai was so full of life, sun-warmed water and wet grass, that Rin found himself being afraid of being blinded by his light. 

 

And there he was. Obviously peering him with those big, cerulean blue eyes.

 

Rin’s throat was dry. He tried to figure out what he had said that was wrong and how to fix it, for the thousandth time that day. Although he always looked calm on the outside, he had a tendency to become self-conscious over things like that. He never intended to hurt the angel; making him weep was the only thing he would not want to do. So he opened his mouth again.

 

“So. Sorry. I’m sorry”.

 

 

Ai couldn’t believe his luck.

As fast as he had been to adopt them, he now rejected all of his doubts; letting himself go. Feeling his way through the darkness, the angel curled his arms tightly around Rin’s torso, and pressed himself against the other’s warm presence. Breathing in, he could feel the ground supporting him, as there was something so right in the way their skin met… As if happiness was flooding from him, from every cell of his body. To hear that apology and to understand that it wasn’t easy for Rin either: it tamed his emotions and wiped off the delusion. Rin was as insecure and incomplete as he was. The realization gave him courage to push the shame aside; he wanted to enjoy the precious moment. A simple thing; a touch, made it all better. In Ai’s mind, that was all he had ever wanted: to be able to be close to someone, and to feel their presence; to understand and to be understood.

 

Rin could feel the soft feathers suddenly hemming him in, accompanied with the sincere heartbeats that had just come close. 

The demon stiffed. The centuries of blandness diminished in the bold act, the contact tingling on his skin in bright colors such as orange and yellow. The experience was powerful: Rin had never considered the existence of someone to be able to leave that big of an impact on him. It messed with his head, as he had never had to regard a companionship with another being before, and therefore was now major readjustments ahead. 

Trying to get the frustrated thoughts out of his system, Rin turned his attention from his inner conflicts to the smaller creature. How complicated yet simply it was, to rely on the other person and to be relied to. Rin still didn’t know how to feel about that angel; his sentimentality, sensitivity, vulnerability. 

 

They were stretching it too far. Rin wasn’t really accustomed to hugging; he soon reached his limit, and took the angel gently apart from him. The awkward touch, fingers brushing together, and Rin was sure his heart would pop if it raced any faster. He felt really relieved that it was night; the familiar nothingness built a shield around his discomfort and hid his ignorance.

 

“Let’s go to sleep”.

 

Ai was smiling. Rin could tell because it shone through his voice, though it wasn’t there for him to see. 

The demon nodded, then changed it into a hum. He realized he wouldn’t be able to deliver the boy his agreement otherwise.


	5. Rain

One day Ai didn’t come home.

 

It couldn't be said that Rin was waiting, but he noticed. 

The air in the garden had felt heavy for a long time now; the birds had all sought a hideout, and all the flowers had closed their petals. The nature was in anticipating state, and Rin knew what that meant –a very long day for him. Glaring at the grey mass of clouds trundling heavily, Rin frowned, as if he could prevent the thunderstorm’s gathering solely by staring it intensely. He could tell by the details of the way the sky bent, there was only moments left before the rain would start to fall. 

All he knew was that Ai had gone to explore the labyrinth, hopefully not the outer part, and that he should’ve been back by now. Shifting his feet, the demon tried to cast the uneasy feeling off his skin.

 

 

Bare feet hit the hard ground sorely as the angel ran.

The rain had already started; droplets soared through the air, and putting on no brakes hit the ground. Ai peered to the sky; a grey layer covered it entirely, as if the scenery had become a paintwork, that curled from the edges. The canvas appeared merciless and relentless, and the cold beads falling on his skin made the angel shudder.

He needed to make it back to the garden before the rain would really start to bucket down. It wasn’t just a question of comfort, but rather a serious matter: soon he wouldn’t be able to. The soft, plump texture of his wings’ was prone to suck water like a sponge, making them really heavy and hard to move. If he wasn’t sheltered soon, his wings would fall into that impractical state –they had already started to collect weight, which worried him greatly.

The downpour washed over him like it meant to wipe him away. It was joined by a sweeping coldness that penetrated to the bone: it radiated from the gravel under his soles and licked his heels, and fleeing from that opponent appeared nearly impossible.

 

The angel was aiming to the garden’s big oak, because it served as a shelter from rain; Rin had taught him that. It was also a spot he had commanded him to come in case of getting lost, because the tree could be seen from farther off. Ai tried to seek out for it, but the familiar landmark was nowhere to be seen. It hurt to imagine Rin waiting for him there; because although the image was hopeful, the angel was conscience-stricken: for he was already late, and had delivered a disappointment to Rin.

 

The rain was getting heavier. Being aware of his surroundings became harder for the angel; the rain blurring his vision made sure he wouldn’t be able to figure out his location. He was desperately lost; probably due to the hurry only revolving in his head. 

Now facing a crossroad, Ai felt even more uncertain. The familiar route fell off of his mind, scattering like a raindrop hitting ground. Left or right? Although the angel tried his best to concentrate, the increasing rain kept beating him up, and brought a burning feeling in his eyes. That day the maze appeared even more desolate than usual. Ai understood that no one was coming to help him out, and soon he needed to start swallowing tears. When he rocked his wings worriedly, he suddenly realized how heavy they had become; those weighty lumps of feather and rainwater on his back were almost stationary. Their weight forced his knees to bend, pulling him down towards the earth. Perhaps the rain had numbed him so he hadn’t internalized it earlier; and now it was too late.

 

 

The rain came down steadily. The drops bounced off of Rin’s leathery wings as he walked along the top of the hedgerow.

He knew the labyrinth like his own pockets; every wall and every alley of it were a part of his territory, and therefore belonged to him. There was no way he would ever go astray there, and moreover, he could deduce where Ai had probably lost his way. Staying alert, the demon started to search more restlessly; looking for that distinguishable smell of an angel from the air. And as expected, it didn’t take him long to track down the boy, as bright white really stuck out in the monotonous grey.

 

The angel laid on the ground at the end of the corridor, worn out by the rain. Rin landed smoothly and walked over to him. 

 

 

Ai raised his head. The rain had eaten out every other sound, so it seemed like the man had just appeared in front of him out of nowhere; the figure dissolving in the midst of the water. The angel had to rub the water off his eyes to see him clearly; and when they focused, he found the blankest expression decorating the demon’s face. 

Ai immediately felt disheartened. A thick lump in his throat, he opened his mouth to speak; but suddenly he couldn’t find any words. He wanted to explain himself, as he found it hard to say nothing; but the incoming sobs left too little room.

 

“I got lost”, the angel finally managed to sob. Hiccups made his slender shoulders to tremble, and he lowered his gaze to his knees apologetically. Rin watched as tears and rain streamed on his face, salty water blending into the skyfallen trickles. More droplets clung on his eyelashes every time he blinked.

 

For a moment, the demon could see his heart beating in his chest. He could tell the angel was terrified, but there was a feeling of relief in it, and Rin understood that he was actually glad that he had come. The reason why Ai was feeling so small, was because he had been afraid that he wasn’t going to be saved at all –it wasn’t that he didn’t trust Rin, he was just uncertain. One always has to wait until the morning comes, the rain relents, the wound scars over, the pain alleviates and fades away. There, the boy biting his lip, was the center of their reality. There, the small white thing, the cold hard labyrinth, and the rain.

 

The flowercrown on the angel’s head had broken down in the rough hands of the rain. Rin would’ve wanted to pick the single Forget-me-nots off of his hair, but settled to watch the angel in silence instead. 

The silence made the yearning grow louder. Heavy, formless lumps of feathers laid on the angel’s sides, and just a glance at them was enough to tell Rin the whole story. Tears kept pouring from the angel’s eyes, as to indicate how weak he felt. Looking down upon him, Rin’s breath was caught in his throat; he clenched his fists tightly, nails digging into his palms. 

The sky wept quietly alongside them, showing no signs of relenting.

 

The demon’s expression was strange. Unintentionally harshly, he grabbed Ai’s arm and lifted him up, as if he wasn’t fully aware of his physical power. Ai yelped, and in fear of collapsing clung to the man; his soaked wings were weighing him down dangerously. As the angel’s legs alone weren’t enough to carry the weight, Rin decided to take the situation to his own hands.

And the next thing Ai knew was that his feet were no longer touching the ground; the demon had picked him up, his strong arms holding him secured. Ai’s first reaction was an uncontrollable blush that swept from his cheeks to his ears. He wriggled shyly, but soon understood that Rin wasn’t letting go, and confined to his role.

 

Slowly, Ai’s breathing calmed down, and the sobs died out one by one. Rin’s heartbeats were comforting to hear, although they fell a bit out of sync. The attention made the angel feel all fluffy and warm inside, and although the man was as soaked as Ai, it didn’t matter: the warmness of the other’s skin was irreplaceable.

As they walked out of the scene together, the angel nuzzled his baffled face against Rin’s chest. The demon appeared stoic as ever, his determination clearly visible in everything he took up. Ai peered up shyly, admiration for that character glistening in his eyes. And it happened, that eventually the scorching feelings of humiliation melted away, until he couldn’t even remember what he had been so sad about.

 

 

The rain didn’t stop.

It came pouring down and filled the skyline with greyness and grief. Both of them were still soaking wet, even though it had been many hours since the rescue. Sitting under the biggest tree, their clothes stuck to their skin, covering them with suffocating coldness. The hum drowned out every other sound.

 

Rin had been sitting under that tree for as long as he could remember. Compared to those decades, the time he had spent with the angel felt like a blink of an eye. In the timeline of his life, past days were so minor, so worthless –and still, he valued them more than all of his life before that point. Rin could have given away all of those days in a heartbeat, if he could have one more with Ai in return. 

The reason behind his earlier actions were clarifying at last. Rin couldn’t stand to see the angel crying. He had no idea what was happening to him, but seeing the angel lying helplessly on the ground, face contorted with grief, was something he never wanted to witness again. The excessive sadness flooding from him… Rin had to shake the thought off. The memory made him feel too uneasy. 

 

Sloppily, the demon turned his eyes to the now calm angel, taking advantage of the fact that he was looking away. Sitting on wet grass a few inches from him, he listened to the rain. Just that view of him being there so immaculate made Rin’s heart race. He was so fragile, so white against the surrounding darkness. Rin wondered where he had come from, and why –although those things didn’t really matter to him. The only thing important was that he was there now, sitting on wet grass with him. Waiting for the rain to end.

 

The time he spent with the angel always felt like a blink of an eye. It was unreal, as if he might disappear as quickly as he had appeared. Wings still down, the miracle came across very powerless –and something in his appearance caught Rin’s attention. 

 

Ai was shivering. His porcelain skin glowed thin, as if his whole body was made of glass. Some drops of water dripped from strands of his still soaked hair, and beaded his cheeks; like shimmering pearls of the deep sea. The blueness of his lips gave clue to how cold he really must have been.

 

The coldness has thousand forms. Rin stared at the angel; maybe he felt the gaze in his spine, because he turned to meet his gaze. Although a tender smile conquered the angel’s lips, his eyes gave away the ache. Ai opened his mouth, but Rin was unable to hear the words. He was lost too deep in thought; too busy debating himself.

 

Ai noticed his struggle. He frowned just a little, and it gave his features a confused look; and Rin knew he couldn’t prolong it any longer. So he inhaled, leaned in, and experimentally pressed his lips against Ai’s. 

 

What came after the first touch, came naturally. The angel’s lips were cold but soft, and the kiss tasted like rain.

 

The evening sun framed them, forming a halo over their heads. With delicacy, the rain painted them in the world. It had watered everything, the tricklets running along the outlines. The picture was fogged in the humid air, but the soft images were still visible against the grayness that inhabited every corner of the portrait. Living, breathing on the canvas, two heavy hearts and the heavy sky.

 

Rin pulled back hesitantly. 

 

Words often don't come easy; Rin hoped they would. If only he could explain himself as easy as his feelings flowed, they could've avoided all those awkward, silent looks afterwards. But they don't, and they were again alone with the sound of the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't look at me I'm very emotional


	6. Wings

The next morning was even quieter than the ones before.

 

The silence hovered over the garden like a heavy cloud. Awkward and insecure, the two of them sat apart of each other. Last night's events were obviously bothering them, and the unanswered questions made the air around them feel uneasy and stifling. Being unable to exchange their feelings and thoughts, they ended up suffering alone –and the loneliness was written all over their faces. The silence drained out all the joy that had occurred previously, and overthinking was like salt in their wounds.

 

The events were finally clearing up in Rin’s head. But as much as he would’ve wanted to bring himself to regret it, he couldn’t. He knew his actions had probably been wrong, but the angel had looked so cold that he had wanted to warm him up somehow. He wondered if they were still in terms with each other –the only thing he was really afraid about was if the angel would ever forgive him. He doubted it.

The demon sighed. The silence made the air thick, and it appeared to be just an addition to the burden he was already carrying on his back. Previously he could’ve settled to it and reckoned it self-evident, but recently he had gotten so attached to the angel’s company and his voice, that it wasn’t just the same. It was worse.

Rin side-eyed the angel, who was looking over the lake and sighing quietly. He had never been that quiet before. Rin traced his eyes over his features, from the rosy cheeks to the downy wings. The white things weren’t down anymore, but postured upright as they were supposed to. Rin opined that they might have dried over the night, but couldn’t be entirely sure.

 

“Can I look at your wings?” he then asked. 

 

Ai turned to look at the demon, eyes wide and in haze, like he wasn’t really present, but just dragged from the depth of his thoughts. He blinked a few times, mouth hanging open just slightly, before nodding timidly and muttering “Uh, sure” with a thick voice.

The angel positioned obediently so his back was turned to Rin. He was a little taken aback by the straightforwardness of the question, but was kind of happy that now he had something else to think about. He combed some gray locks behind his ear with his slender fingers, the gesture so tender and nervous.

Hugging his knees, the angel anticipated for whatever was coming. “That really was an extraordinary request”, he thought to himself, staring at his curled toes. He didn’t know what to do with his wings, so he just let them be, assuming that Rin would know.

 

Rin gently took his wing in his hand, and for a moment Ai forgot how to breathe. The angel was really sensitive, and his wings weren’t an exception. Suddenly the casual touch went on a whole new level. 

 

Rin ran his fingers through the plumage, passing the downy part near his skin. Ai always slept on his side, which had resulted the feathers to dry a little crooked; Rin fixed the stray ones quickly back in their correct place.  
The mass of feathers felt light; they really had dried thoroughly. Carefully spreading the work of art open, Rin’s dexterous hands count the long feathers, and kept track of the bones under the coat. The demon did everything with care, ensuring that he didn’t hurt the angel on the way, in any way. He calculated the length of the wing with his index finger and thumb.  
It really wasn’t much. The wing span from his shoulder blade to the wing tip was almost a quarter smaller compared to Rin’s more sturdy ones. “He really can’t go far with these…” Rin thought to himself.

 

Ai stretched his wings a little, fidgeting his slender shoulders to get rid of the tenseness. The demon released his grip for a second, staring at the angel’s back in silence.  
The demon tried the skin around the joint where his shoulder blade attached to the humerus bone of the wing. Ai jumped a little from the touch. Rin quickly pulled back again, off of his skin. It was as if they were dancing; those small, self-conscious moves along the song of the sleeping garden; its shady waters and fragnant fields around them.

 

“Everything in Ai is so small”, Rin thought. It was somehow familiar. As if the angel reminded him of something he had lost, something from a long time ago…

 

A white cloth framed the angel’s narrow back. It revealed a slim area of the milky white skin, enabling the movement of the wings. Rin gradually forgot his place and was left staring at that little miraculous detail.

Finally, he shook his head and firmly decided to not to do that ever again.

 

 

The feeling of Rin’s hands prickled deep under Ai’s skin; tingling from his head all the way to his toes. The angel shivered under the touch, blinking slowly and nervously. He wondered if his insides were burning, because at least his cheeks were. Bringing his hands on his face, Ai brushed the heated skin with his fingertips. He was secretly glad he wasn’t facing Rin at the moment.

Despite his deep discomfort, Ai found the lack of touch even more disheartening. After Rin let go, the connection went missing somehow; as if it hadn’t been there in the first place. Ai felt the cool air on his wings again, and his skin grieved after the other’s presence; and the memories of the night before flooded back, reminding him of how small he had felt.

 

How small he still felt. 

 

When the touch relented, Ai suddenly realized that he hadn't had been able to escape his thoughts at all after all; he had only pushed them aside. Now they were back with the same withering power, which sucked the air from his lungs, and left him breathless.

 

He didn’t know how to feel about Rin. Yes, he had been happy when Rin had come to pick him up. He had been happy; but the kiss had made it complicated.

Ai wasn’t ready. He was confused, abashed and distressed, and the more he thought about it, tried to figure it out, the more irresolute he became. The kiss had left everything scattered, and Ai didn’t know how to fix it. His thoughts seemed to escape his grasp like fine-grained sand, and catching them made him feel even more alarmed. What should he say; how should he react; and most importantly; how should he feel?

Yeah, maybe he had just freaked out a little. Ai tried to collect himself for the thousandth time, tried to steady his breath, tried to hold back his tears. But he couldn’t help it; the persistent, hurtful thoughts kept coming uninvited, and they gave him no other options than to listen.

Had Rin chosen him simply because there was literally no one else around? Had Rin done that to him just because he was there and it was easy? Ai could feel his eyes tear up. The realization he was particularly upset about was that Rin was probably just toying with his feelings. Rin probably read him like an open book. It was unfair.

Ai tried to recall all the things he knew about love; but there wasn't much. All he knew anymore was that he knew nothing, and the hopelessness made his hands shake. He wanted answers, he needed them; but the situation they were in had plummeted his courage so he couldn’t get himself to speak up. In his anguish he felt like an injured animal; abused, bruised and left to rot on the side of the road.

 

Ai turned slightly towards Rin. His glassed gaze was still in haze and looking through Rin, as if he wasn’t there at all. As if all his eyes saw was fog.

 

“Rin…” 

 

The angel struggled with the words, trying to drown his nervousness in fiddling the hem of his cloth. He didn’t feel brave enough to confront the demon.

 

Finally, he raised his head. A fragile determination shone on his face. 

 

 

“Are you lonely?”

 

 

The angel tried to keep his tone calm, but the sadness loaded in those words filtered through.

He had been thinking about it for so long. He was that type of a person who was always quieted down in groups of friends, who was the easiest to leave behind and forget he even were there. God knows what his little heart had gone through, and it wasn’t like he didn’t care. He cared too much –it was his number one weakness. He cared about what others thought about him to the point he was ready to give up on himself, and wondered if they remembered him as he remembered them. As there is ones who always try their best to impress others; Ai was the one who tried his hardest to be good enough for everyone. 

And it was killing him.

Even now! Even though he was sad and afraid to look Rin in the eyes; even now he worried about what was going through the demon’s head. Speaking of his feeling; his fears; was the scariest thing he had ever done, and it was something he had never done.  
Before now.

 

Meeting the clearly confused look on the demon’s face, Ai understood he was expected to explain himself. Heart in his throat, the angel swallowed slowly, before managing to whisper:

 

 

“Because I am”.

 

 

Oh how it hurt to admit it.

 

 

 

Rin didn’t hesitate, but spoke up with a firm voice. “Not anymore”.

“Huh?” Ai made a noise of misunderstanding.

 

 

“You came”.

 

 

Rin stared at the angel intensely. He had no idea why Ai had thought that he was lonely, because in fact, he was everything but that.  
After Ai had popped into his life, his otherwise grey days had been filled with new kind of content.

Because Rin was like a blank canvas, which had been waiting all this time for someone to come and paint him with colors, emotions, warm and cold. And the shades Ai offered, were more beautiful than Rin would’ve ever dared to wish.

Maybe he had been lonely, but it was hard to recall those memories. Now everything that filled his mind, was Ai, and how he had tasted last night.  
Because for his lament, Rin couldn’t shake that thought off. He knew it was wrong, it had to be wrong! The likes of him just couldn’t go around kissing angels. Guilt was ripping him in pieces, making him feel uneasy in Ai’s company.

But his thoughts kept returning there, and Rin clung to that memory.

 

 

How beautiful he had been. 

 

 

And after that, there were no coming back. His brain helpfully offered him continuations: How unintentional the kiss had been.

How Ai had shyly squeaked in surprise. How his wings had twitched nervously.

How pink his cheeks had been. How he had intertwined his fingers on his chest, as he often does.

And how Rin had leaned in further, warmer, making him gasp softly against his lips. How their fluttering eyelashes had brushed together. How he had been his, unconditionally, for that rapidly fleeting moment.

And after it, how irresolute he had looked, how his lips had been shaken. And how he had sighed…

 

Rin couldn’t forget the kiss. He couldn’t forget Ai.

 

 

 

Ai made a weak sound. 

He crawled closer, and leaned his forehead on Rin’s shoulder. His petite build trembled, but he had hid his face, so it was impossible to say if he was shedding tears. Small wings sank down steadily, revealing the smaller creature underneath.

 

Rin felt like he didn’t deserve him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was considerably late. I hate excuses, but I'm still going to offer you some.
> 
>  
> 
> I was diagnosed with severe intestinal inflammation. Basically my insides are bleeding.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm still so young. It's very unfair to get an illness for a lifetime now; when I just got my very first own apartment, and started in my dream university which I worked so hard for. Because instead of those things, I now spend my days laying in bed, swallowing pills, staring at the ceiling, from when I wake up 'til I fall asleep.
> 
>  
> 
> It's not a life of a human. And I keep thinking, who was I before I was just _sick_ ?


	7. Nightmare

Rin found himself in the middle of the labyrinth.

 

Things hardly change in places like that, it was obvious. His surroundings were neat and tidy, as usual. 

The demon sighed and took a lazy look over the place. Everything seemed ordinary to him; murky alleys, long aisles, high, gloomy walls. He had been watching them for as long as he could remember, and nothing had ever changed. Rin turned his gaze to the sky, absently pondering how long would it still be. Another hundred years or so? The flow of the time had never bothered him until recently. The demon shifted his wings displeased, when something in the corner of his eye caught his attention.

He took another, closer look at his surroundings. Colors everywhere were faded, almost black and white. It was always monotonous in the labyrinth, but that time something was definitely off –he could sense it. Rin raised his hands –his usually strong palms and claws appeared almost transparent. That made him understand: he wasn’t this story’s main character.

It was unnaturally quiet –even the cold breeze that usually occurred around the labyrinth was gone. The demon decided to take a test in order to confirm his suspicions. He tried to take a step forward, but barely kept his balance. It was the decisive moment –he realized that it had to be another one of those dreams. 

 

Rin let out a frustrated sigh. He hated those dreams.

 

 

 

 

He already knew what was coming. Tensing up, he tried to listen all possibly sounds around him. It could come from anywhere, so it would be better to be prepared. 

“You can’t escape it”, a thought popped up in his mind, presenting its case as it was just a fact. Rin gnashed his teeth, too proud to submit to the thought, although he knew it was right. Slowly nevertheless, he relaxed his shoulders, straightened his back and let his hands drop. Huffing angrily, the demon scanned the area in a paranoid way. He just needed a moment to shake it off. He was the king of the labyrinth’s heart. The gardens belonged to him.

 

 

But nothing happened. Grudgingly, he gave up, telling himself to quit it. He knew he was acting like an idiot, but couldn’t help it. The voice had caught him off guard way too many times. 

Unfair as it was, when he moved his feet as an appointment to walk off, he heard it behind him. 

 

 

 

A repressed cry.

 

 

 

And everything went black.

 

Rin fled from the sound fiercely. The panic that took over him burnt off the last hint of reason, and yelled him to _run, get out,_ and he tried to. Although he already knew how it was going to end, how he had no chance of winning that game, he tried to. Another thought roared in his brain: he wouldn’t be able to escape.

His lungs were breathing pure terror and chaos, and his feet hurt as he ran, but there was no sense of reason left in it. The sound of crying awoke something so horrifying in Rin that he just had to run from it. It felt like everything around him was screaming, it ringed in his ears and the walls of the labyrinth fell over him all around him. There were no outcomes, no exits, no endings, and the ground under his feet bent.

 

 

Rin thought he was used to it already, he really did. He had seen it so many times he thought he would have been prepared. All the countless times he had faced the cries, and still the horror was the same; as if every cell of his body was turning to ash.

He couldn’t understand why it wasn’t getting easier. More likely, he felt the running had become longer and the fear more terrorizing. As if he was stuck between two timelines, running from something from a long time ago, something from his subconsciousness.

 

 

 

Something he didn’t want to face.

 

 

 

Out of the blue Rin reached a dead end. And then he realized; this time, the ending would be different.

 

 

Usually the sound didn’t approach him. Usually, he just ran and ran, until he would eventually fall off. But now the road was blocked, and he heard the crying grow behind him; it was a sound of a child.

 

Confronting the sound was something he didn’t want to do in the least. But the leaves scratched his cheeks and tickled his forehead, and as much as he would’ve wanted to retreat, it was unavoidable. Cold sweat ran down his spine when he understood there were no other possible solutions left; he had to turn around and face it. 

 

 

Rin’s heart beat slow as he did.

 

 

 

A small, glowing figure stood in the middle of the hallway.

 

 

The creature was small, their build a lot softer than Rin’s, but not necessarily frail. Their body shed pale, shimmering light that covered them entirely, so it was impossible to say anything about their appearance or features in detail. 

They had wings, too, small but sturdy ones. Even they shone that curious light, hanging negligently on their sides. The scenario would have appeared very dream-like to anyone, anyone but Rin. For Rin, something in the creature seemed so unapproachable he immediately felt like throwing up. 

 

He had been running from that thing so many nights he couldn’t even count them, yet there they were. The figure just stood in front of him crying, tears rolling down their cheeks one after another. Their loud, heartbreaking sobs increased and echoed in the labyrinth, filling all the space with gut-wrenching noise. The teardrops fell from their chin to their collarbones and all the way to the ground, but they did nothing to hide them. They were too tired.

 

Rin couldn’t help but stare that enigmatic play paralyzed. The sound made him feel like his bones ached, but it wasn’t about broken bones; Rin hoped it would’ve been, ‘cause broken bones always mend and then it would’ve been easy; but it was about broken souls. The sight was a product of his mind’s relentlessness, his stubbornness, his madness.

 

The uncontrollable fear in the pit of his stomach felt like it was about to tear him apart. Rin wanted to command the creature to get back, but he was afraid that something even more terrible would happen if he did. So he didn’t.

Instead, he let his shoulders hunch, and his fists shook and he understood that he was giving in to the sight. That his feelings, his thoughts, had begun to muddle; as if he didn't know what he was feeling anymore, and even more like his feelings belonged to somebody else.

And he couldn’t help but wonder, what was it that had made the creature cry so. He felt like he should’ve known, like he should’ve _remembered–_

 

 

 

 

 

 

–but he didn’t, and it just made the matters worse.

 

 

The creature didn’t stop, but they didn’t move either. They just kind of floated right where they had first emerged, and Rin started to notice that behind all of the show there indeed was some kind of a purpose; a message to deliver. And in place of his own thoughts, the creature was coercing their ideas and feelings on him, projecting its messages to him: until he too could feel them.

 

 

There was… 

 

 

 

Loneliness. 

 

 

 

Frustration. 

 

 

 

_Fear._

 

 

All of those repressed feelings were bottled up in their chest so tightly they were weighing down their ribcage, and under it they were _suffocating._ The screaming was originally meant to help him breathe, but now it was only chasing them further into themselves; so far that Rin was afraid if they could ever be found anymore.

It felt so _wrong_ , and only the feeling of it made Rin’s body distort, disturb, and impose space as a reflect of that character, as if _he_ was leaking those black feelings into the air. The voice exceeded to excess and overflowed, and it made his blood boil and seethe. They were about to devour him. 

 

 

 

Rin just wanted it to stop.

 

 

 

Then just like an answer to his prayers, something unexpected arrived. 

 

 

Another, fragile sound echoed in the corridor. Rin couldn’t catch to what it was, but its arrival felt like a miracle. Even more miraculous was that the creature heard it too, and it made them stop the heart-rending crying. They were both exhausted, bodies heavily heaving in the middle of losing form, cold hard emotions still hanging in the air menacing and relentlessly.

 

Listening.

 

 

 

And the next time, the call got through clear.

 

 

 

“Rin”

 

 

The creature looked up in a state of confusion. Rin just stared at it dead tired, deep gasps of breath refilling his lungs. For a second, silence felt like the most satisfying thing in the world. For a second, he was free.

 

 

 

_“Rin!”_

 

 

 

Rin startled awake.

First thing he met, was a pair of blue, tear-filled eyes, staring worriedly down at him.

 

“Are you alright?” Ai asked, enormous amount of worry filling his voice. 

 

“You were screaming”.

 

 

Rin made a sound to brush the question off and turned his gaze away, unable to look the angel in the eyes. 

He was covered in cold sweat and felt still a bit out of breath, but the angel’s company made wonders with taming his anxiously racing heart. Rin felt a bit guilty for waking him up in the middle of the night, although he knew that it wasn’t really up to him.

 

Unsure of what to do with that mute, stubborn demon, Ai laid down next to him, and shyly reached out to pet his hair. Maybe that had been done to him to soothe him down, an absent thought crossed Rin’s mind, because he knew exactly what to do. It worked. 

“It was just a nightmare”, Ai concluded, mostly to himself. His fingers combed red locks behind Rin’s ear thoughtlessly, brush after brush. Rin watched his eyelashes as he blinked slowly, steadily, and soon his eyes didn’t focus anymore.

 

 

After Ai had nodded off, Rin was left alone again. 

Maybe it was simply the healing aura all of the angels had, but Ai’s presence really got him to relax. Rin couldn’t keep himself from adoring and absorbing that shimmering light the angel provided; the more it got dark around them, the lighter the boy only seemed to get. It wasn’t the same kind like in his nightmare; Ai’s light was gentle and ethereal; delicate in a way that seemed too perfect for that world. He was a rare ray of sunshine in that nuclear winter the demon called his life. It was comforting. 

 

Rin exhaled heavily and turned to lay on his back. He really didn’t care about lying awake with his thoughts all night, but he couldn’t shake it off. Because for his misfortune, the nightmare was stuck in his head. 

 

It made him frown. Everything was clear in his mind, and at the same time nothing was. The end of the dream reminded him from something he couldn’t make accounts with. So he was surrounded with thousands of questions, restless for the memories he didn’t have and feelings he had forgotten.

 

Only one thing he found true. Ai had saved him. Who knows how far from his control the situation could’ve slipped if it wasn’t for his interference? Rin fixed his gaze to the sky and sighed. Even after everything that had happened, he had this hunch in the back of his head; that it wasn’t all. That it had been just the beginning.

 

 

The stars started to pale, when the sky began to dawn. Milky white light met with the wings of the soundly sleeping angel next to him. The sky changed the joy of seeing every constellation in nocturnal comfort to the new day. 

 

 

Rin couldn’t care less about that.

 


	8. Red

Days went by and turned into weeks without anyone noticing.

 

They had nothing but each other, but it turned out that for them it was enough, it was so unbelievably enough… And they had nothing to regret. Far from the others, close to each other, they were captive but at the same time, freest than ever before.

 

 

It was a flat, calm day.

 

They had roamed further into the labyrinth, following the old route to the flower garden. Rin stayed back to watch Ai dropping flowers to their path. The graceful stems fell from the angel’s hands to the floor, but by the same token, they could’ve been growing from his footprints as well. Ai danced through the room, his steps light and careless. He made breathing look easy, although for Rin it wasn’t, as his lungs were heavy and corrupted. 

 

 

 

It was days like this that made Rin fall in love with Ai.

 

 

 

Rin watched as Ai played with the flowers starry-eyed. He bounced here and there, talked and laughed, zest for life on his shoulders. He was captivating to watch; sunkissed cheeks, the curve of his lips when he smiled, the roll of his hips when he moved, light and gentle and in every way lovable. Everything the angel did brought beauty, and Rin knew he would never let anyone know about his little love. Ai was just his secret, shared only with the birds of the garden. Nothing and no one under the sun he would love more than him.

 

Ai stopped, and turned to smile at Rin. It was warm, and however Rin knew he would fall, his worries melt into admiration. It’s true that most of us are insecure over something; for Rin, it was if he could ever be good enough to Ai. He was a cold and abandoned man, but the angel made him feel like someone believed in him. Ai believed he had been good once, and Rin wanted to trust him in that. Because Ai, he was like the light of the early morning after the night; long-awaited and welcomed. All the joy of his reflected from Rin’s soul, so it was a little less sad. And Rin understood it, he was completely under the spell of that fairy, and in front of him his soul healed.

 

 

 

Ai was just excited about the flowers. Out of all the flowers, roses were his all-time favorites. The redness of the roses reminded him of Rin’s hair, so he loved them very much. 

 

He had had that little habit of crafting and wearing flower crowns for a while now. There was pretty much nothing to do in the labyrinth, so it was a great way to spend time, but originally the habit stemmed from his insecurities around his friends back in the Heaven.  
As his friends’ hair had had many beautiful, bright shades like orange and golden, his dull silver had left him only dissatisfied and insecure, thinking he must’ve been looking so boring. So one day when he had been alone, he had picked many kind of cute and colorful flowers, and made himself a flower crown; at first he had felt self-conscious about it, but it had looked really cute as he had shyly peeked his reflection on the pond’s surface. Encouraged by that, he had showed it off around his friends; and they had been really keen on it. So he had kept doing that as his little thing. 

 

To have something of their own; in the labyrinth, the significance of those things grew even greater. Despite the simplicity of it, Ai treasured his little habit, as it had always brought him so much courage and happiness. And he wanted to share the feeling with Rin, in hope of enriching his days a little. Smiling to himself for the thought of Rin wearing a flower crown, Ai almost missed the fact that they had arrived to their destination.

 

 

The garden was big – Bushes of wild roses flourishing unrestrained all around the yard, blooms glowing their brilliant dark red everywhere. Remains of the stone walls could hardly be seen anymore, they had fallen to pieces and buried under the blossoming a long time ago. Ai stepped in the gate and admired the view of endless redness. It was definitely one of Ai’s favorite places in the labyrinth. His other favorites –well, wherever he could be with Rin.

 

The angel roamed further into the garden, the demon following on the heels of his. Soon however they split up, the smaller one for focusing on his own business and the other one for sitting back and watch.

 

 

 

Beaming with excitement, Ai riffled through the flowers, picking up the most beautiful ones to carry on his arms. He did precise work, his choices carefully weighed. It was obvious that he had done that a lot in the past.  
Soon enough the angel noticed a big, dark red rose further in the bush. It had probably just opened its petals, now stretching them wide for full glory. Ai stared at the beautiful flower admiringly. The flower crown would be perfect with that. More thoughts occurred him as he leaned in and reached his small hand out for that rose; he should probably add it on the central of the crown, because of how nicely its darker shade would match Rin’s eyes… 

 

A sudden pain got him to snap out of it quickly. Ai instinctively pulled his hand back, the act accompanied with a small “ouch”. With an upset expression, the angel examined the wound on his finger, cut by the rose thorn. A plump, dark drop of blood surfaced, as red as the roses that were now falling from his hands.

 

 

 

Then, all of a sudden, Rin was behind him. Ai lifted his gaze, but before he could open his mouth to speak, he felt his arm being yanked and with one determined move, Rin turned him around to face him. He grabbed the angel’s hand by his wrist and quickly took his finger in his mouth, sucking off the blood carefully. The demon acted completely without hesitation, and Ai gasped, only being able to stare at him wide-eyed, feeling the redness now invade his face.

 

 

 

“Don’t bleed.”

 

 

 

Ai’s heart skipped a beat when Rin raised his eyes. There was a different, wild look in them –as of untamed animal. The angel shivered. The demon’s predatory behavior frightened him -a complete change of atmosphere had occurred, which brought him great amount of confusion and worry. Rin was still holding the angel’s hand near his mouth, and Ai could feel the hot air when he spoke up again. 

 

 

 

“Other demons will smell it. And trace us here.”

 

 

 

The look in Rin’s eyes was suddenly very intense. His mood appeared different; it was confirmed by the serious, premonitory look on his face. It got the air stuck in Ai’s throat. The boy nodded obediently although he had yet to internalize his statement.

 

Ai knew from the demon’s expression that it was really important, something he should remember. He watched Rin breath slowly, almost too slowly, and as he did, his words started to sink in.

 

 

Ignorance is bliss. Rin’s words had unintentionally spilled a secret that was never supposed to unfold: the existence of the dangers out in the labyrinth. The illusion of safety that the tranquility had built around them shattered in Ai’s head, and was immediately replaced with alarm.

 

Peering up the taller man with wide eyes Ai felt safe and unsafe simultaneously. Rin was standing in front of the sun, and the shade his broad, dark wings created surrounded them. The angel was too nervous to pull his hand off of his grip, too nervous to break the eye-contact they still had. He demanded answers, for all the days he had been in dark; but doubted that they would break him entirely. The conflict, the distrust, all burned up inside his chest, and the hammering of his heart appeared almost visible to the demon.

 

 

Only when it could not have been any worse, the truth dawned on Ai.

 

 

They would have been safe. They would have been safe, only if it wasn’t for him.

 

 

Because he was an angel, to be exact. That was merely the reason for all the caution -merely his existence was the reason for why they were both under threat. Rin had lived alone in the gardens for hundreds of years, and only now when he was with him, it wasn’t safe anymore -Ai had brought the risk of loss within him.

 

 

 

And still, Rin chose to be with him.

 

 

 

They still had their eyes locked, but as the angel blinked, his gaze fell glazed; unfocused.  
They stood face to face in silence, the stagnation inviolable. Deep and dark red meeting with clear and light blue, the connection simultaneously both invasive and vulnerable. 

 

Ai felt guilty, as if he had done something wrong. He hoped it would have been something as easy as that: but when his whole existence was wrong, he didn’t know how to make it better. The blush on the angel’s cheeks didn’t fade, it just altered its character –mixing now with embarrassment. The angel swallowed, and with ambiguous audacity he turned his eyes away.

 

 

The roses were scattered all around them on the ground.

 

 

 

Ever since Ai had got to the labyrinth, things had been complicated, or at least that’s what he was thinking. In his head everything was all tangled up and messy.

 

In Ai’s life, everything used to be easy. Especially love.

 

Love poured from angels is always pure, altruistic and dedicated –it serves unconditionally and never fails to notice even the smallest beautiful things in the universe. Ai had never thought about it twice as it was something considered self-evident. He loved Rin, as he loved every flower and bird in the garden, simply because Rin existed.

 

But there was more to it. 

 

For a person who never thinks anything profoundly, falling hard will be pretty scary. Ai didn't know why his heart hurt. Around Rin, he felt things he had felt never before. And suddenly love wasn’t simply anymore: when thinking about Rin, his mind would always perish with doubt, insecurities, uncertainty. And finally he had to let that underlying, selfish thought into his consciousness: He wanted Rin to love him back.

 

The desire for another soul to share the existence with; it’s the most human wish of all the wishes, even for a sacred creature like Ai. It’s like inviting, lighted sign on the side of the road. 

 

 

Rin awoke all that in him. 

 

 

And all of those feelings Ai didn't know what to do with weighed on him; as if he had been collecting stones to carry in his pockets. The angel was so afraid of falling hard that he held back instead; and the conflict shook that lonely little terrified heart. The silent wish he had been suppressing was prone to eventually bubble up, and it did.

 

 

 

 

 

_Love me._

 

 

 

 

 

Cheeks glowing the same color than the roses, the angel exhaled shakily, still unable to look the demon in the eyes. 

 

 

 

Rin observed the smaller one silently. He could see the angel crawling further into himself and further from him in every shaky inhale, but let it happen, even if it hurt to watch. The angel was falling apart, his vulnerability palpable, and Rin noticed his hand was shaking in his grip.

 

It was unfair. Unfair to Rin’s poor heart to see the angel like that. He wanted to make him feel better, to have him as his own, but not by force. He was waiting for an invite, for him to open up. Love should be a commitment of both. His only wish was to make the angel feel less insecure, whatever it would take to achieve.

 

Rin pressed his lips against Ai’s knuckles. He knew he was ruining his untouchable innocence, but then again, he was too blinded by him by now.

 

 

 

The demon took a step forward, and not wasting a thought for the roses that crushed under their feet, closed the gap between them. Awkwardly, Rin stooped over the angel, and wrapped his arms around the small body. He held him as gently as he could, careful as if he was something immensely valuable and frail. 

 

Ai could feel his warm breathing against his downy hair, and closed his eyes wavering. He couldn’t be sure if Rin felt the sky bend, but he did. It made him reject his doubts, to push them aside, so for a minute he could feel that everything was alright.  
The angel wriggled his arms around the man’s neck, and clung onto him tightly, like his life depended on him. Rin kept his eyes open as the angel buried his face into hiding from him, aware of his heart’s content beating. Subconsciously, Ai curled his wings and wrapped them around the man, until Rin could feel the feathers brushing his back.

 

 

They held each other for a long time, two souls longing for each other's warmth.

 

 

The only way to find happiness in life is to risk yourself being completely open. Nothing else is needed, if only you can give away some part of you, and sometimes, everything. To be able to love they gave up on themselves, giving themselves to each other instead.

 

And they came to the realization that the plot of their lives didn’t make sense to them anymore; more likely they were taking the same road from now on. An immersive trip ahead, all former started to rapidly fade from their awarenesses. Because the meaning of ‘home’ had changed for them forever; now, it meant them together.

 

 

And forever; it isn’t long, when you share it with somebody. For Rin it was Ai: if he was the night sky, then Ai would be his stars. And the stars shone brightly through the dark.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a non-native speaker, I find the ability to look at the words objectively a blessing.  
> Personally, I judge words by their sound or taste rather than their meaning. For example, I like the word 'barely', because I associate it with bare hands.


	9. Closer

Nothing really drastic never happened.

 

One day they were just sitting together, Ai humming a song he had been humming for four days straight, his hands braiding a thousandth flower crown. Rin was leaning back, his eyes closed. The evening came. It offered a cool relief for the hot day finished, and the sun started to sink.

 

They were at their happiest just to be next to each other, there was nothing else they needed. But was it the sunset or just their comfortably shared existence that made them crave closer that night, who knows.

 

 

Ai finished his work. It was a neat circle of daisies, empty space plugged with baby’s breaths. Pretty as it was, it couldn’t be compared with the gorgeous one he had had to left behind in the rose garden. Holding the piece carefully, Ai crawled closer and settled in front of Rin, extending to press the flower crown onto the demon’s head. The angel was happy and proud of his work’s outcome, as it fit between Rin’s horns perfectly. He smiled trough the hum he didn’t have bothered to pause.

 

Feeling the angel approach, Rin opened his eyes. He didn’t understand the seemingly weird rituals the angel had, but accepted the gift nevertheless.  


 

They had grown so close, that gestures like that were nothing out of the ordinary. There was always more to learn, so they never stopped studying each other. Making their hands meet, they would be lured in by the desire to understand, as well as they would retreat to respect… A small and intrigue dance they had created to shelter their precious little world.

 

 

 

Rin’s demanding eyes stared at the angel, until the other allowed eye-contact. The two of them observed each other’s features in silence. The moment lasted, and it tickled Ai’s spine how challenging the look in Rin’s eyes was. It invited him to come a little closer, like a dare. The feeling was odd, and out of place, but neither of them questioned it. 

 

Ai felt funny in his stomach. It was one of those strange feelings Rin evoked in him, where his heart would start beating louder and needier; floundering like a tiny bird locked inside. He felt its anxiety and willingness, he had grown to know it; and still, it wasn’t leaving him. Instead, he had to set it free.  


 

Encouraged, the angel was the one to make a first move.

 

 

 

He reached out his hand, but falling shy halfway, masked it hesitantly as some casual touch. Pretending to just adjust the flowers, Ai combed some stray locks out of Rin’s face. Breathing slowly, he moved lower, and let his hand rest on the demon’s cheek. He didn’t want to say a word, besides he felt like all the words in the world wouldn’t still be enough to explain it.

 

 

Rin re-positioned himself, slowly so he wouldn’t scare the angel’s timid hand away. He knew the angels’ trust is as fragile as glass, shattered by the tiniest mistake. The demon straightened his back, outbalancing him in power as he was naturally taller.

 

 

The angel peered up to the demon with curious, yet content eyes. He had been told to never touch a burning flame, but now when Rin was in front of him and the sunset made his hair caught fire, he felt like disobeying… For the warmth of the ignition of that everlasting glow tempted his cold hands unavoidably. Rin represented everything unknown and inscrutable in the world, like one of those far-away islands with many secrets and no access. 

 

Awkwardly, Ai wondered if Rin would be able to hear the loud pitter-pattering of his heart -but was too distracted to actually care about that minor detail. Fascinated, the angel pulled a little closer, his body shaking with anticipation and love.

 

 

 

Rin watched that shivering, inspiring miracle before him, and pondered what on earth had he done correctly to deserve such blessedness.  
Ai’s mouth was hanging a bit open. Rin silently made a note, his gaze fixed to the angel’s lips. He had been into them since he had touch them first time in the rain, and that rain washed in him once again as the memory returned. His desires were never fulfilled, the empty place in his heart remained -all for him, who he had longed for what felt like his whole life, although they had barely even met. 

 

 

He let himself go. 

 

 

Welcoming the angel closer, Rin stooped down slightly, so their faces were almost touching, their breaths mixed, and their fluttering eyelashes -So he would feel the other’s racing heart, and he did. The sunset outlined the angel’s features, making him look fuzzy around the edges, plush feathers and cheeks more baffled than a moment ago. Without thinking, Rin’s hands found their way on his waist, as to steady the raging emotions by some means.

 

 

Ai exhaled shakily. He was beautiful, and Rin found himself taken aback by that fact over and over again. Keen on the loveliness of his, Rin raised his right hand on his lips, and gently, shakily, brushed his fingertips over them. Heart frustrated for he had to keep himself back, Rin carefully moved his hand to hold Ai’s jawline, the touch being the most tender. Ai’s warm breath against his thumb felt just like yet another, miraculous detail in that lavish perfection, and suddenly he found it difficult to swallow.

 

 

Ai hovered his hands back to himself, giving Rin space. Making no sound, he stared at him through his eyelashes, fondly, waiting. The angel was practically melting in his hands; that slim and graceful frame answering to every one of his doting touches. Everything that had been bottled up inside him defrosted, and washed away any faint ache from his soul. His heart beat rapidly, hitting against the cage bars. 

 

 

Rin never broke the eye-contact. Carefully, he rubbed circles on the angel’s cheek with his thumb, almost too cautious to breathe. Light blue sky stared innocently right back at him.  


 

Authorized, the demon continued. Letting his hand wander, he dipped lower; to his neck, collar bones, and all the way down his chest. The touch was needy but in a subtle way; the skin under his hands was pale and delicate, and the need for that was strong like the need for the air he breathed. Exploring the piece of art calmly, Rin observed the reactions that were waiting to be earned.

 

 

Ai had his eyes closed. He looked off, and the demon stopped: feeling the little angel shiver under his touch. Rin could tell his nervousness by the way he persistently refused to meet his gaze, but couldn’t figure out how to make him relax. Careful to not pass his boundaries, the demon waited patiently as the other calmed down. And eventually, the downy wings lowered shyly, giving the demon a clear sign of approval.

 

 

He slipped down one shoulder strap.

 

 

 

 

 

Ai felt surreal.  


 

It was like they were both in an old painting, Rin’s firm hands turning it a dream, giving it its final touch. Heart open and vulnerable in his chest, he felt small and simultaneously, the most important.  


 

So he let Rin continue, as his skin flushed darker, and the touch fell lower. In order to finally reveal everything that had been hidden, he called him in; so he could finally breathe. The angel was fond of the idea that only love could heal his brokenness, and he relied on Rin to be the one: the one to fix him.

 

 

Ai, the one who had never experienced being anyone's favorite, under the surface he had always perished because of that exact reason. Superficial relationships were never his cup of tea, and being alone but not lonely was a task he failed to carry out. Everyone always walked past him, as if they were scared to slow down, scared to invest in him -and it made Ai to doubt if he was worth anything. 

 

To have Rin in his life made him feel such unbelievable happiness that his feeble heart could hardly perceive it. Because thanks to him, he didn’t have to be afraid of being left alone no more. Now, flowers bloomed from his heart, crowding every place he had once hold empty.

 

 

 

He was glowing in Rin’s hands. The whiteness of the angel’s wings embraced them, perfectly clean and flawless. The moment was splendid and inexplicable, and Rin swore in his mind he would give up on everything if he just could make it last. His scent mixed with the flowers’ created such an alluring combination that it made Rin’s head spin. The more skin he exposed, the more the truth dawned on him. There he was, getting deeper in love every minute, and Rin’s heart sank into his feet as he realized at last how much he wanted him. 

 

Those pink cheeks, fluttering eyelashes and twitching lips made him weak. Thinking that he might have been the first one ever to witness that lusted expression, he felt honored. Rin could tell that divine sight was a part of Ai that was reserved for very few.

 

 

Ending up on the grass, Rin toppled over and playfully took Ai with him. The angel squeaked in surprise and collapsed against the demon, light and fluffy and flustered.

 

 

 

Ai, now laying on his back in flowers, started to feel embarrassed. Wings spread wide open, their bodies pressed together, new emotions and confusion overwhelmed him.  


 

Head messy the angel appeared scattered, but Rin hold him tighter, and it did wonders with reassuring him. Shyly, he slid his hands around the man’s torso, looking for support on the demon’s back. The angel’s huff of breath brushed against the tips of hair on the demon’s neck, as he buried his insecurity and inexperience into the redness.

 

 

 

They were a secret. Hidden from the others, so nobody would see them as they saw each other. While the world had abandoned them, they had created their own reality together -one where they mattered for the first time. The canopy of the clouds where the days evaporated over them, the angel clung onto the demon with all he got, his thirsty heart, longing for closeness, saturated.  


 

 

Despite of it, it didn’t halt the homesickness’ revolving in Ai’s head. It couldn’t be denied, that he still missed the outside -the feeling remained in the shadows, eroding even his good moments. Because he couldn’t help but keep wondering, if the others had noticed his absence. Did they care? He agonized over those things, he couldn’t let go of them.

 

 

But then Rin kissed his neck, and it made his back arch in pleasure -and the pleasure made the decision for him. Happy to lay to rest the hurtful thoughts, Ai exhaled, letting all the anxiety shed off. And he decided to never let it inhabit his body again, and instead, let his body focus on Rin’s. 

 

 

Rin made everything just right. It made the angel finally notice it: the feeling of returning home. Rin had chosen him, despite of it all -and the fact made his heart burst. Rin was his rising sun and his homeland, and with him he would always feel loved.

 

 

The demon’s weight over him caused many new sensations emerge in Ai; strange, confusing ones. The heat and the pressure were both new and pretty unbearable for his pristine body. They took all of his attention, so it was hard to concentrate on anything else; as everything else was slipping from his mind. Small, shaking hands grabbed the fabric of Rin’s shirt as the angel gasped, sweetly in short breaths. 

 

 

 

 

_“Rin”_

 

 

 

 

The concerned one pulled back, in order to see his lover’s face. For a second, Rin was afraid that something was wrong, but as his confused expression met Ai’s, he realized he couldn’t have been further from the truth.

 

He had never seen the angel so happy.  


 

 

There was this genuine sincerity in his every expression, but all their days together counted in, that smile was the purest Rin had experienced. Nuzzling his face in Rin’s neck again, Ai laughed heartily, watching his love with hazy, half-lidded eyes. The angel made a delighted sound when the demon touched his arm, and Rin knew he was his unconditionally.

 

 

There was no love comparable to the love of his. It was a hurricane that left Rin in the highest heights; acting so discreetly and sweetly he would never want to get down again. When he watched the boy, he knew... All he wanted was to hold his hands, so he would never have to feel cold. And in that moment, Rin noticed that he loved him more than ever before. He had been waiting for him since so long, just to realize that he was the one he was living for.

 

 

Rin cupped the angel’s face with both hands. Ai let out a surprised sound, but let himself to be guided.

 

 

The demon stared his love carefully, as if he was asking for him to take him in -he wanted to preserve that precious expression, his fragile happiness -he wouldn’t let nobody to hurt him. He would stand by him.  


 

It’s far from just being trusted –they took each other for granted. It was more a rule than an exception, that as Ai would give all of him to Rin, Rin would give all of him to Ai… They together was a concept they wouldn’t let down.

 

 

 

Eventually, Rin grew impatient -being so madly in love, and gently took Ai on his lips. The angel blundered some words against his mouth, but Rin underrated the importance of it on purpose. Everything could wait. 

 

 

With a sigh, the angel relented to the kiss. Tips of Rin’s hair brushed Ai’s cheeks when he let him in.

 

 

The kiss wasn’t their first, but it was the one that mattered most; it made them realize all they needed was right there. As love is the only thing that can cover up the pain, their wish was to help each other heal –though more than a wish, it was a promise. They promised to belong to each other from then on. 

 

Ai whimpered, wings bending uncontrollably beneath him. He raised his chest desperately, hands grabbing Rin’s wrists so he could pull closer, warmer against him. Eventually, Rin would let him move on to his lap; the smaller one fitted there perfectly.

 

The world around them had dimmed to a twilight without either of them noticing. They kissed in the shadows of the trees, stealing soul from each other. The night danced and swam in diamonds above them, the angelic set straight out of the old poems.

 

 

 

 

Rin withdrew, and let his half-lidded eyes skim across Ai’s soft features. Affectionately pressing his lips in the nape of the angel’s neck, he sighed. Ai murmured loving endearments in his ear, tiny voice pronouncing his name over and over again. Heart content, the demon listened to it, resting his chin on the angel’s shoulder for a while.

 

 

The most beautiful things in the world are moments like that. The angel dissolved into laughter -it occurred him with no particular reason; it was less thoroughly thought and more spontaneous, genuine expression of his happiness of Rin’s existence.  


 

A bubbling fit of giggles filled the air, and the second miracle was born. Rin’s natural tendencies kicked in, and he answered to the angel’s laughter, maybe as a subconscious appointment to bond with the positive sound.

 

 

Ai pulled back to stare the chuckling demon starry-eyed, as if he was a shooting star that had just landed on his palms.  


 

As Ai was usually the one who was sensitive for the changes of the other’s mood, and wore his heart on his sleeve in general, it was pretty astonishing to see Rin opening up like that. Ai felt like he had just caught a glimpse of something the demon might have been a long time ago, before the labyrinth. The delight gradually lit up on the angel’s face, until it was written all over it.

 

 

Ai spoke up again. The words spilled from his lips like a soft stream, and that time Rin heard him clearly. 

 

 

 

 

_“I love you”._

 

 

 

 

 

That night the moon halved. It was halfway its journey, shedding its pale light to the garden. Rin stayed up for a long time after the angel had zoned out. The night had always been a good friend of him; lights down low and silent he felt the most tranquil. 

 

After all the effort, comes the rest. The love laid peacefully beside him, and his presence calmed the demon’s heart. It was alright as long as he was on his side, he thought. Petting the angel’s soft, silver hair, Rin settled in next to him, guarding his dreams. The remains of the stars reflected their light in the dark, the glow gradually fading as the night sailed towards the morning.

 

 

 

Oh how lucky he was to have something that made saying goodbye so hard.

 

 


	10. The Accident

Ai woke up for his favorite thing in the world; the sleeping face of his love next to him.

 

The day was still young -the flowering sky glowed pink and newborn. The angel procrastinated with waking up, he preferred to clinging onto the sweetness of the dreamland. Last night still revolved in his head, and the image added to the view of Rin’s face next to him seemed like a dream to his drowsy brain. The angel’s lips parted for a sigh. Ruffling his wings, he sat up, eyes skimming over the sleeping man. One detail drew his attention: the demon’s hair was tangled in his sleep. It stirred up an entertained smile on his face, and happily humming the angel moved over to sort out the mess.  


 

Hand combing the red locks, a thought leapt to the angel’s mind. He rarely woke up before Rin, and the excitement of it tickled in his stomach. He wanted to make the best out of the opportunity. After considering it deliberately, Ai leaned in, and gently pecked little butterfly kisses on Rin’s cheek.

 

Embarrassed by it, the angel slowly opened one tightly closed eye to see if he had roused the demon from sleep; but the guilty expression changed to a wide smile crossing his lips as he found out that his gambling had succeeded. Rin was still unaware of it, and the fact made Ai squirm mischievously. He wondered if he could surprise him in some way in the morning -and then had a wonderful idea. He could retrieve the unfinished flower crown from the rose garden -it would be just perfect, to wake Rin up with a present.

 

Squeaking happily to the thought Ai bounced up, then quickly turned it down in order to not wake the demon up. He still had some time before the sun would be up -he just needed to be quickly back.  
Enthusiastically setting out to the journey, Ai flapped his wings to get to the top of the hedgerow. From there he could see the route, and although it was kind of long, he considered it to be worth it. Casting a final glance to the sleeping demon, the angel bounded along the edge and left the garden.

 

 

 

It was a wonderful day. The journey was long, and tiring as well, but Ai didn’t waste a thought for it -the future joy fed his imagination, only the picture of it made him smile. So he sped up, hopefulness and confidence as his companions step after step.

 

After a while of travelling, the angel managed to reach his destination. He hopped off the bench a little way off the gate, but before he could take a step towards the entrance of the rose garden, something told him to stop. Something felt subtly off in that place; the persistent thought popped in his mind, soon coming across as a warning. He looked down to find a track of rose petals at his feet, but they weren’t from the ones he had picked; he could tell by the way they were oddly ripped. Bad intentions slowly creeped to the angel, and then he noticed something in the air. 

 

 

 

A burnt smell.

 

 

 

Holding his breath, the angel timidly moved his feet towards the garden. His endless curiosity won over the demandingly blinking warning signs; it made him draw closer despite the sense of danger. Following the tracks, Ai nervously entered the gate to the rose field. 

 

 

As soon as he was inside, he hoped that he had never come. His beautiful rose garden was nothing like it used to be -it had gone through so complete destruction it left little to look at. As the angel rose his eyes to the view, a total shock waved over him. There was nothing beautiful left: all bushes were smashed and burned down, and patches of grass were still smoldering. While obliged to witness the devastated sight, an audible gasp left Ai’s lips. He hadn’t been prepared to receive such welcome.

 

The view of his splintered dream around him made the angel’s little heart choke with sorrow. There were barely any complete rose blooms left -all of them were tore off their growth place, left lying on the cold hard ground. Ai kneeled down; his empty hands were shaking when he reached out to pick up a crushed rose bud. So many of them hadn’t had time to bloom, and he grieved that lost opportunity.  


 

A frustrated sob escaped the angel’s sorrowful lips. Ai looked around with tear-filled eyes to see if there was something he would be able to save, letting the flower he had been caressing fall from his fingers. Tips of his wings swept the ground, and like the wind blows, all his previous joy was erased; as if it never existed. Death is said to come first for the most beautiful and innocent; he held that knowledge, but it didn’t bring him much solace. For Ai, death had always seemed so unfair. To take away things that he loved the most -who would want to be so cruel?

 

 

Wiping his cheeks with his palms, the angel got up staggering. It was no use: he wouldn’t be able to help his precious place. There is only so much one person can do -he was limited, and it brought him great frustration. By then, the powerful emotion had overcome him so that he almost missed the source of the accident, but it couldn’t be ignored -as soon as the angel sensed it, it was there so strong and paralyzing.

 

 

 

 

Another presence.

 

 

 

 

The finding chilled the blood in his veins. The aura was hanging in the air heavy and palpable, crowding every corner of the place. How hadn’t he noticed it sooner? His sadness was quickly replaced to that familiar, yet distinctly uneasy feeling; fear.  
However, there was a hint of something the angel had experienced before. He savored the track for a while, standing still. The feeling resembled of something Rin had possessed when they had met for the first time -he had dropped it a long time ago though. Ai shivered when he recalled the memory. Rin had had it in his eyes back then -he hadn’t realized its existence before it had already been gone. 

 

 

 

The darkness.

 

 

 

 

The dripping, sticky blackness that used to be a heart: Ai was too afraid to look, he was like drugged; its corruption and iniquity roaring so, he was afraid that he would become deaf. He had never faced an evilness so immense, and he realized -that was what a _real_ demon was. 

 

It made his body tremble; lose control over the horror that lived, breathed beside him. His small heart pounded in his chest hard, as if it was about to fall off. A young, innocent thing against the cruel dark world. 

 

 

 

The creature showed itself.

 

Further from the angel, in the corner with the last living roses. Huge, brutal, formless creation of darkness; brought forth by the corruption of human heart. It’s body emitted thick black smoke, as if it had just crawled up to the surface world, fresh from the flames of hell. Multiple limbs and claws were sticking out of its shapeless body, which was covered with dozens of sharp spikes. 

 

Digging around a rotting heap of what used to be flowers, the monster let out occasional growls, making its frustration clear to anyone near. Assumingly the creature held a poor eyesight; judging by the way it was blindly throwing a tantrum over the rubbish. Its black, weather-beaten skin stretched and crumpled with every move, revealing bare areas smoldering red –it was burning from inside. Now Ai understood how the grass and bushes had caught fire -and he would too, if he wasn’t careful. The air was heavy with a nauseous smell of burning flesh and smoke. 

 

 

 

Witnessing that distorted form of a demon made the angel’s stomach turn with fear. He could only stare the gross being bump around with the guidance of its instincts, and a high-pitched whimper escaped his throat.  


 

He felt almost paralyzed: as if his limbs were turned to stone all of a sudden. The horrendous sight before the angel drained him; Ai could feel his body falling weak, as every inhale was overtook by excessive fear. Tears were escaping from the corners of his eyes, but he was uncaring of it; and they would flow all the way under his chin unrestricted.

 

 

 

 

On the other hand, the creature -it had walked many miles after the faint odour: the tempting smell of an angel’s blood. Its desire for it was boiling and seething fiercely under its skin; it would not rest until it would get what it wanted. The taste of the that blood was the most stunning flavor it had ever known -the memory of it tingled through the monster’s nerves, filling its senses. It craved more, for it had been starving through countless sunsets. Panting and rampaging on the roses in savaged manner, the beast searched for the source of that attractive flavor.

 

 

 

 

That day, the dices of destiny didn’t work for the angel’s favor. The accident had already taken place the moment he had stepped into the garden; the air was rich with his scent now, strong and delicate. The wind turned, and wiping off his advantage, revealed his position to the demon -which couldn’t have been more thrilled.

 

With sudden, unexpected movement, the monster turned to Ai’s direction. The familiar smell excited its simple brain, causing it to lose it in seconds; and sending it mindlessly rush towards the angel. 

 

 

 

A weak, muffled shriek got stuck in the angel’s throat, shifting to a breathless gasp. Everything slipped away in that moment, except for one, fervent command that popped blinking red behind his eyes:

 

 

 

 

 

 _get_

 

_out_

 

 

 

 

And the angel took the advice offered. 

 

Turning his back to the monster, he ran away, feet hitting the ground hard and wings flapping fiercely as he tried to get away from the threat as fast as possible. Further, faster, he ran and he fell, got up, and bounced from the wall; breathing shorter as the fear grew greater. Ai tried to shake off the image of the monster, to ignore its presence and wheezing pants right behind him but it only made the matters worse, getting him lost in the chaos. Climbing up the wall, his knees and palms itched but he knew he would need to get out of open area and out of sight. A few hits of his wings and he reached the top, attempting to get over it, afraid that he had already lost too much time-

 

 

 

 

 

-which was unfortunately true, because the next thing he knew was a striking pain hitting his left ankle.

 

 

 

 

 

The angel wailed in pain.

 

 

 

He looked down terrified, only to face the most gruesome sight.  


 

The creature had grabbed his feet, and digging its sharp claws into the thin skin around his ankle, tightened its grip. Down on the ground, the monster shrieked in triumph. Wobbling its unwieldy body, the demon clapped its jaws eagerly; it had had a taste of his blood, and it only increased its hunger -now it would only be satisfied after it had ripped the angel in pieces. Its other limbs climbed blindly up to the side of the bush, menacingly reaching the source of its desires; as an attempt to drag down the terrified angel.

 

 

 

Ai’s eyes widened and he screamed; both because of the pain and the fear. He panicked and jolted his trapped feet inconsiderately: the object pulled out of his flesh, but a piercing cry forced its way past his lips in the process; as a declaration of so much it _hurt_. A gush of blood splurted out of the wound, and in addition, the shocked angel lost his balance.

 

 

 

 

 

Ai fell down to the other side of the bench. He hit the ground very painfully; landing on his wings, which angled in a weird position. His vision was blurred white for a moment; the pain resonating through his bones as a wave that shattered him in pieces for a second, the aching stemming from deep inside him. The angel broke to tears in that instant, running out of strength to hold them back.

 

Trembling, he tried to steady his breath, to recover from the blackout, skin sheathed with cold sweat. A state of shock he still was in made his limbs unable to take orders yet, preventing him from getting up. The angel tried to collect the scattered pieces of himself, but his huff of breathing was taking a pace that anticipated hyperventilation, and it disrupted his concentration badly. Ai closed his eyes, hoping it would help; but the pain was tattooed red inside his eyelids, making the ache howl louder. He felt like the ground under him was shaking, but soon understood that it wasn’t only in his head.

 

 

The beast hadn’t given up yet. The enchanting scent of an angel pushed through the barrier in front of it; the obstacle drove it even madder, as its hunger was insatiable. The lack of vision wasn’t a hindrance of any sort, as the monster was almost completely dependent on its sense of smell anyways. And the wall of the labyrinth wouldn’t be no match to its brute force whatsoever. 

 

Gathering power, the creature backed out to dive against the fence aggressively. Ai jumped to the voice of the predator wildly scream at its prey, and realized it was coming at him right through. 

 

 

 

In horror, the angel crawled away from the fence. He tried to get up on his staggering feet, but was too weak -his knees gave in, making the angel collapse against the hedge. Desperate, he tried to keep his body steady by pressing it against the leaves and grabbing the branches with his hands - his injured leg was no use as it was constantly dripping blood, and the wound made it impossible to lay any weight on it. Ai clenched his teeth -he had to get going, as the monster would break through the wall any second now. Hot tears squeezed out from the corners of his tightly shut eyes when he slowly, unstably, took a step off.

 

 

 

Escorted with a loud crash, the monster appeared into sight. It was easy to track the prey, by simply following the droplets of blood he was leaking with every step. The creature could easily calculate where the victim was leaning against the hedge exhausted, shaking, silent.  
Viciously gnarling, the monster flashed a row of its sharp teeth. The chase was over, and the catch was easily trapped.

 

 

 

 

Ai was tired.  


 

 

He was too afraid to turn around and face the beast, so he didn’t -but hearing its inhuman growls, and sensing the rough, predatory aura on his heels was just as bad.  


 

The angel whimpered softly. Burying his face against the thicket, he swallowed feebly, as his fragile faith let him down at last. A stream of tears steadily flowed over his nose and contorted mouth, and he let down his wings; preparing to receive anything he would soon be offered.  
He was sad that it would end like that; for he had so many things still lacking closure. He hadn’t had time after all: time to retrieve the gift, for example. Rin would’ve looked really pretty with that rose crown…  


 

A small weep gently occurred him, when the picture of his love filled his mind. The only thing he wasn’t regretful about: he had been able to tell him that he loved him.

 

 

 

 

 

The monster attacked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But at the same time, another figure dashed between them.

 

 

Ai blinked -it all happened so fast, that his tired brain hardly recognized the arrival. He had little time to react to the strong grip around his waist, as he was pulled out of line at the last minute.  


 

Together, they slammed harshly against the wall: the monster darted headfirst past them, so close they could’ve been able to touch it. Ai shut his eyes when it crashed; but the collision never happened, as the save had been made in time.  


 

But yet again, they had no time; the creature was soon recovered. Awake and back on its feet, it was more furious, more bloodthirsty. Yet again, Ai had no time to think, no time to say anything; when his savior had already grabbed him by his wings and sent him flying away from the scene, the monster, and the fight.

 

 

 

Only then Ai realized him, but it was too late. It was as if he was watching himself from outside his body; he could see his own mouth opening, forming a word, a name-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“RIN!”._

 

 

 


	11. Goner

Ai opened his eyes.

 

 

Sheets of clouds flowed soothingly across the sky. White, gentle cotton voyaging over the landscapes was going nowhere, from nowhere. The wild blue yonder unfolded over the angel like an open sea; deep and unknown old world. It was beautiful, dreamlike even -a blessed, blue dream. Watching the soft buds drift in the clean waters, Ai drowsily wondered if he was drifting with them -floating among the whitecaps in the horizon. 

 

 

It was so quiet.

 

 

Slowly, Ai’s head shed off the haziness, and his vision started to focus. Moving his gaze, the angel took notice of other things alongside the sky: high, gloomy walls were standing stably around him. Ai blinked not once but twice -the soft whiteness that had embraced him changed to the cold, sharp features of the labyrinth. He frowned, both out of uneasiness and hesitation. Because he quite couldn’t grasp the memory… Why was he out there again? 

 

 

Laying on his back, peacefully peering at the clouds above…

 

 

It took a minute for Ai to comprehend his surroundings fully. While examining it, a long, heart-rending scream echoed through the labyrinth, making the angel’s heart jump. It triggered the remembrance, and in an instant, all the dreary memories flashed back to his mind –the garden, the roses, and the darkness. And the scene dawned on him in its whole misery.

 

Panicky, the angel tried to make a move -but the attempt was inhibited. The aching spurred from his soles to crown, making his bones shake. Ai let out a terrified gasp. He was painfully reminded of the situation -the truth was devastating, and his inability to handle it left his body trembling.

 

 

 

Rin.

 

 

 

Rin had been there, he had come to seek for him -and now he was God knows where. The thought made the angel’s eyes fill up with tears. He couldn’t recognize if the voice earlier had belonged to the monster or- he refused to let the image sink in. The noises of fighting continued for a while, occasionally echoing in the cold dark room, making the walls shudder. After a while their volume started to fade and the number decrease -Ai listened carefully, letting the anxiety settle on his shoulders. The scariest part of it was the descending silence.

 

 

He felt numb. Limbs deliberately spread open the angel laid in the dust, and the dust made his body all grey and heavy.

 

 

The guilt fogged his vision and mind, and he wished he could help, somehow revoke the accident or go back time to prevent it. He wanted to fix things, for he couldn’t stand the thought that Rin had got in that situation because of him.  


 

If he hadn’t been so careless, Rin could still have been there next to him, his warm arms around him… But now all that was left was the cold wind of the labyrinth. He couldn’t lie, the burning water in his eyes revealed him the truth; it was all his fault.

 

The angel turned his head away from the face of the sky. He couldn’t stand the judging look in its pale chalk eyes.

 

 

 

 

They were unfinished, he and Rin.

 

For that gilded, fleeting moment he had had it all -then in a blink of an eye it had all been swept away. How does a pain so big could even exist? How much it hurts? Perhaps that's the point in life. Ai meekly accepted it; there was nothing he could do. His heart was only praying silently anymore; for mercy and for deliverance. 

 

 

And all his sadness came and settled down on his chest, heavy and restless like thousands of gallons of dark water. Feeding off of his insecurities, it crowded him with coldness so freezing it seized his heart forever.

 

 

 

What if Rin was never real? How could someone, who found him so invaluable ever be? No one ever found him invaluable except him. The touch of his warm hands, it touched him even when the universe found him of no value. No one was ever that good for him than what he was.  


 

Rin was always just a beautiful dream. Yeah, that must be it -that would explain it. Ai gave in to the thought that nothing good could come across him nevermore. The memories he held were the only thing that could ever keep him warm; the things Rin had taught him, colors and emotions way too precious to understand.

 

 

 

Ai opened his eyes, but couldn’t see -as the ocean was on the way. The angel lifted his small and empty hands, stretching them out, as if he was trying to reach; to recover something that the demon had took away with him. His soul longed for Rin’s, as the moon misses the stars when the sky has gone into the cloud.

 

 

 

He was but a fool; a small, foolish child… Too blind to understand the tragedies of life. Oh, all those vain, selfish things! Ai felt bad for he had been so difficult -if only he had let go earlier, to surround himself to Rin earlier. He could've been able to love him longer... So carelessly he had danced on his bed of roses, that he had failed to notice that Rin was too good for him; while he himself wasn’t any good. Ai curled his fingers, and let his hands and shoulders drop. 

 

 

 _Not good enough._ Being aware of his weakness had never before felt so bittersweet. Embracing the limits and flaws of his fragile body, the angel sat up, wrapping his small hands around himself. Acting as if he was trying to stop his himself from falling apart, yet he knew it had already happened.  


 

He was never good enough. Feeling broken, useless and worthless, the angel skimmed over the scattered remains of himself.

 

 

 

 

_Please forgive me._

 

 

 

There was a clinking sound when the tiny pieces of his heart knocked together. As if he was a window display someone had just decided to smash, he was shattered to bits by the concussion.

 

Ai bended forward, and letting his wings slump over his arched body, touched the ground with his forehead. A wail pushed through his burning throat, a cry for help, for it was so painful -oh so painful he couldn’t breathe, but heaved lingering, cracked inhales through the hot tears. The pain was shredding, clawing his once calm mind relentlessly. There was guilt, loneliness and fear, mixing with other emotions with no name and no face, painting him out with toxic black.

 

Why did he had to go? Why did he sacrifice himself for his sake? Every unanswered question raised a new wave of tears, desperation welling in his eyes. Rising, shaky inhales and long, distressed cries wailed from behind the wings he had raised to cover his frame. 

 

Inside of him his heart was one beat away from collapsing. Like an infection the aching lingered, and he whimpered out of pain and loneliness. Every time his lungs expanded he wished his body would too, so he would shatter into pieces to drift on space, rather than to be alone in this world once more...  


 

The angel could only love being alive when he wasn’t lonely; now when he needed him the most, he was gone.

 

 

 

But he wasn’t ready to let go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The crying continued for a long time, filling the empty air.  


 

Eventually even the wind died out, and Ai was left with nothing but his blank agony. The labyrinth had cooled down, as a sign that the midday was over. Shivering, the angel wrapped his wings around his shoulders to somehow keep himself warm. Cold and utterly lost all over again, he couldn’t halt his hands from shaking.

 

 

 

Slowly, procrastinating, Ai managed to pick himself up. His injured foot was sore, so it hindered the process a little.  


 

The sounds of battle had died out a long time ago. While they had lasted, Ai had been too afraid to move from the spot. Now, in the interminable silence it seemed safe enough for him to begin his way back home. Sending off a final, longing look towards the direction Rin had disappeared, the angel moved his feet to the opposite direction unwillingly.

 

 

 

 

 

The labyrinth was cold and blank that day. It seemed like he had been sent back to day one -everything he used to know had suddenly lost its color, and the walls climbed higher… Ai’s head was a mess, his tired mind unable to analyze the view around him logically. Everything seemed pointless, and his feet were slow as if he was wading in a wet cement.  


 

There was nothing left; not even a breath to warm up his cold hands. It was a blue feeling; the yearning clouded over his eyes as if he was looking through rain-fogged glass. Things will disappear like teardrops in the rain; and so it went on.  


 

And it occurred him, he didn’t know how to function when he was alone; but seemed to constantly seek for a window with lights on. For his own candle had burned out, he reached out for the others -like an empty shell, that only echoes the melodies from someone else’s lips. He was incomplete.

 

 

 

 

For a short-lived moment, he imagined Rin waiting for him in the garden, in his favorite place under the oak… Wondering, if Ai was coming, and what took him so long. The image was warm, and unable to tell the difference between the dream and the reality, the angel let the fragile hope lit up his heart. The garden wasn’t far away, and the freshly awakened wish kicked him to run. Ai flew through the last aisles, the final corners, to the opening of the garden, and for the tree; but the oak stood alone, frail forget-me-nots swaying in the wind around it.

 

 

The angel’s knees failed. Of course he knew! Yet the deceptive hope had tasted so sweet he had willingly obeyed its orders… Even if it meant that the letdown would break his ribs. The disappointment and the frustration fell from his eyes, to his cheeks, to the ground. 

 

He knew it was foolish, that he was silly with all his vain expectations. His hopes were up too high, which always resulted in his heart crashing severely. He shouldn’t have wished for too much from the beginning -Rin had always been too much, a high fever that would inevitably peak and break. 

 

 

 

The angel strolled in the garden in a trance. Everything was in its place, neat and obedient.  


 

The evening was so pretty, so ordinary, that it felt as if nothing was ever wrong… But the feeling of something missing stayed. His subconsciousness sought signs of Rin in every familiar thing in their room, the longing subtly filling his heart. It was almost unfair, Ai thought, how the flowers could bloom and their tree stand there firmly as always, in spite of the events.

 

The angel felt lump in his throat when his feet carried him to the place they used to sleep. He had woken up next to Rin there that morning -but despite the memory being from within a few hours behind, it seemed like something that had happened hundreds of years ago. Everything in that meadow looked the same, as if nothing bad would ever happen, but he knew- and even if on the outside it looked fine, nothing really was. 

 

The angel shuffled his feet anxiously; he didn’t want to go to sleep alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The evening vanished behind the sunset, and the moon started to rise. Alongside the night, arrived the emptiness.

 

Ai laid under their tree, carefully folded wings under his back. Vulnerable to the night’s cruelty, he was pinned in place, until he was forgotten there -only the vast, vast night sky above seeing him. Laying there, he watched the stars come out, shining to him through the tree’s canopy. The sky bathed in their dim light.

 

 

 

It was dead silent.  


 

No memory of his past, no clue for his future he laid there, and the apathy overthrew him. It was just another layer to his agony he was now growing onto. The hollow, empty space in his chest tore him apart, but he didn’t try to push it off. Instead, he gave in to it completely. He was sure he deserved it.

 

Facing the glistening Milky way above him, the sky unfolded ahead, showing him every star and constellation there is. As if the universe was mirroring his feelings, it lighted the way. And Ai understood he didn't hate the sky, it just reminded him of everything blessed he had had. 

 

As if he was just visiting there, the garden seemed brand new under the stars. Never able to truly know everywhere he had been, the homesickness rushed in, lowering and shrinking his spirit. Blowing out a mournful sound, the angel sounded like a ghost who was failing to prove that he was still living. White feathers shuddered. Sighing, Ai sheltered himself with the help of his wings, his heart aching for his love.  


 

Fallen hope left him with nothingness of the dark.

 

 

 

 

He would wait for Rin. The waiting could take the rest of his life, he understood; but still clung onto that idea. Painfully aware of the empty spot next to him, the angel kept imagining Rin laying by his side; his smoky silhouette and familiar features he so loved.  


 

How can something be there, and then not be there? Ai would’ve wanted to kiss the imaginary Rin goodnight, but all his pale hands reached was the cold emptiness; reminding him that his love was lost, his body warmth no longer beside him.  


 

Grief building home in his heart, the angel whispered “goodnight”, hoping that the demon would hear it wherever in the world he was. Closing his eyes, Ai wondered if that goodnight was his last; at least he hoped that the next morning, he wouldn’t have to wake up in that white anguish.

 

 

 

 

The night passed,

 

 

 

And the darkness pulled him to the bottom of an ocean… The enormous weight of the cold water on him, the surface escaped further and further from him. He felt heavy, and unable to breath, the black waves rushing over him in silence. Slipping away, his mind went haywire in that deep, deep despair, until he didn’t feel like he was in his skin anymore. And so he sank in deeper…

 

Restless and complicated, the cool and warm shades mixed, when the dream and the reality intermingled. Forming elaborate ensembles Ai’s mind shifted from intricate dream to another, letting him surface from time to time, though he couldn’t tell the difference. 

 

I cannot imagine how, how do we forgive ourselves for all the things we have done? The truth is that in our dreams, we don’t.  


 

He hadn’t noticed before, how sad a word ‘never’ is… But now it was too late to struggle away from it; the word was tattooed on his skin as the restless dreams went on. Thorough the night he twisted and turned, hoping the sleep would wrap him in sweet forgetfulness.

 

 

But he kept waking up. Once again he sat there, confused, shaking his head in order to brush off the dissociation.

 

The string that connected them was on extreme limit. Ai watched it fondly in the twilight, its glory reflecting from his eyes. It had become entangled unawares, as he had twisted and winded his fingers around it. Such as spider’s web, it was thin and delicate too, its glistening beauty... But it was so flighty, oh so fragile.  


 

If it broke, he would break too.

 

 

 

 

 

The night had reached the small hours, judging by the pale light greeting the garden. It burned Ai’s eyelids when he rubbed them. The night had been long, all eternity in length, or so it felt like. Ai could hear one lone bird singing in the distance, and some other noise he didn’t recognize at first -then suddenly he did. The realization assisted him to understood what he had woke up for.

 

 

 

Someone was coming.

 

 

 

Ai scrambled on his feet. Defeated and heart in mouth, he fixed his gaze to the entrance.

 

He was so tired. Too tired to care if it was another one of those monsters. Even if it was, he would accept his destiny without a fight; if only it would end his suffering. He was eagerly about to kiss goodbye to the scraps of his life -maybe he would meet Rin in another.

 

 

The noise came closer, and soon a familiar figure staggered into view.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At first, Ai didn’t understand and just stood there naïvely.

 

His scattered brain negligently offered a solution: it was all a dream, but why did it feel so real? Practically, the angel could see Rin, he just couldn’t quite grasp it. His mind couldn’t comprehend the meaning of all that blood.  


 

Casually he observed the sight: all the wounds and scratches all around the demon’s body –and then he heard his own mouth gasp in horror as the comprehension caught on.

 

 

 

 

Ai rushed towards the man, but he was late –Rin’s knees failed, and the bruised body collapsed in front of the gate.

 

 


	12. Rin's past

 

“Come on! Let’s play hide and seek!”  
“Yeah!!”  
“Who’ll be the seeker?”  
“Let’s make Makoto a seeker”  
“Eeh? Why me?”  
“Not fair. Let’s solve this with rock-paper-scissors”

 

Their dispute was solved by the easiest game –which the black-haired boy lose. Rin laughed at his friend’s grumpy face as he ran off alongside the other kids. Ruffling his white, feathery wings excitedly he made a turn to the opposite direction, determined to find the best hiding spot in the world.

 

The garden was huge and full of light, but its possibilities didn’t satisfy the enthusiast’s mind. Rin wanted to be the very best. He loved to play with his friends like that, but the best thing about games –winning! So his feet carried the angel further into the garden, eventually to the distant meadow, place they had never ever played before. It was somehow mysterious, because the other angels seemed to avoid the meadow’s deserted village –the remains of it, to be exact.

 

In Rin’s eyes, it was just perfect. His friends would never guess he was hiding there! The joyful angel snickered mischievously. Gazing at the ruins looming in front of him, he mumbled “Huh, this stuff must be really old!” under his breath.

As much as the kid’s nature was ambitious, it was curious. Rin didn’t even think about it twice: he was quickly off to explore the old, old relics of the ancient buildings and paving. The town must have been really beautiful back then. Hypnotized, the angel roamed around the ruins, admiring the architecture. His feet met either grass or cold marble in turns.  
Rin almost forgot his assignment in the shimmering of it, but when he snapped out of it he was soon in a hurry. Fortunately the place offered dozens of brilliant hiding spots, so he had many options. He chose one thick pillar to hide behind –now he only had to cross that weird, circle-shaped paving in the middle of the abandoned city…

 

But that was where things went wrong.

 

 

The next moment Rin found himself spinning in the air, the speed tremendous. For a blink of an eye, he was confused of how he had managed to turn the world upside down, just like that. He couldn’t really discriminate whether the gravity had failed, or he was falling through the ground… Quickly taking over the situation, the angel spread his strong, feathery wings, and soared through the air calmly. 

 

Sailing over the scene, Rin studied the view unfolding beneath him. A huge complexity of leaves and grayness fanned out below, extending to everywhere his vision carried. Almost mirage-like, the land seemed to begin and begin again, infinitely. 

 

Furrowing his brows, the boy landed to the edge of the hedgerow skillfully. What kind of sick joke was that? 

 

The place seemed to have nobody around. Rin stomped on the path for a while, kicking little pebbles on his way. He couldn’t understand how the hell had he ended up in one big-ass labyrinth, like it was nothing. The situation was truly perplexing; Rin grew really frustrated really quickly.  


 

The more he studied it, the more clearly the truth dawned on him: there were no exits, and it seemed far-fetched that he would be able to get back home on his own. What he had learned about getting lost: “Stay in one place and wait until you’re found”. The only option was to leave the task of picking him up to his friends -he would just have to wait.

 

Rin found his way to a little garden after a while of wandering. Laying down under a young oak tree, he huffed some stray red locks out of his face. The angel knew that good boys shouldn’t be rude, but he allowed himself that. “They better come get me soon as fuck”, Rin swore in his mind before closing his eyes.  


 

“This sucks”.

 

 

 

 

A night passed. And another.  


 

The waiting prolonged and prolonged. After some time, a tiny hint of doubt crept on Rin. It had been days already, and he already felt like he was pushing it –but still firmly decided to ignore that sly suspicion.

Until a week’s days were over, the angel fought back. But eventually he would start to feel rejected -and as the fierceness faded, it gave away his true feelings. And the fear underneath became revealed.

 

Why hadn’t they come already? What wrong had he ever done towards them?! Rin felt miserable and weary for the battle. It was as if his friends were punishing him for something, and procrastinated on purpose. But what on earth would make them act like that towards him? Rin couldn’t declare a reason behind it.  
The worst thing was the ignorance. It was as if he had gone blind all of a sudden; now feeling his way in the dark, stretching his hands and screams out. But never getting a grip on anything, he received no reply, and fell through... All he had known before, his home and friends and previous life, were turned to sand, which slipped between his fingers. 

 

After Rin had given in, his angriness started to relent. The uncertainty altered its colors, a fear of being left behind now strangling him. Forced to surrender, the angel let his doubts invade his mind. He didn’t know what was so wrong with him, that it was alright to leave him behind in that white void.

A hot tear escaped from the corner of his eye. Rin wiped it away violently, embarrassed by his exposed weakness. But his attempts to hide only caused the weeping and hiccupping to take a turn for the worse. He felt pathetic, didn’t want to be such a crybaby about it, but it felt like his insides were burning just by the thought. 

 

_Don’t leave me._

 

 

 

 

 

That cry didn’t remain his last. Every new morning with an empty place next to him felt worse than the one before, and the loneliness felt harsh on his skin. It was as if he had started to move slower since then, repeating a pattern with every disappointing day.

 

First weeks, months, even a year felt tough, but it didn’t stain as everything blended.

 

Rin learned quickly that the labyrinth’s outer parts included demons. Those beasts could smell and hear but lacked a vision, so he took that as an advantage when fighting them.  
Luckily he had found a few little gardens more from inside the ensemble, and some ruins of an ancient angel city too. That place was very similar to his known one, and the familiarity always managed to stir up a tired smile on his lips. Unfortunately he soon got so accustomed to his surroundings, that he simply forgot the remarkability of the view. And after that, it was just a dusty place among the others, blending into the quiet neighborhood.

 

Gray days started to gain a sort of similarity. Counting them had lost its significance a long time ago, mainly because it became impossible to keep on track of time. Rin got used to it. And even though he had been sure that he would be found, eventually he stopped caring whether it was going to come true or not. 

 

Slowly but steadily, everything slipped into melancholy. Rin had no reason for his existence, and quietly he fell into depression; gradually losing his ability to recall what he was living for.

 

 

Because he forgot.

 

 

He forgot it all. His life before the labyrinth, his friends, the accident -and after that, his life _was_ the labyrinth. It had always been, and it would always be. There was nothing else in the world for him, and his world was cold.

 

 

Days passed, having nothing to offer. Weeks were blank, and just like that, months became years, and a few decades dissolved into a fog. Over time, Rin started to see nightmares, his mind flashing him his own forgotten memories of his arrival in the labyrinth. They took a gross, twisted shape, and he cut off sleeping.  


 

Nights he spent watching the sky and wondered; why was he still alive? Was there something for him, waiting beyond the black sky and the stars… Something that kept his heart beating, even though he didn’t want it to?

 

The night brought the salvation, but the mornings kept taking it away. In the mornings he was cursed, his limbs and heart cold, and he wished his lungs would stop breathing. He wanted to die, to immerse his body to that comforting, unbounded darkness of unknown. After all, it would be better than to wander in that white nightmare for the rest of his life.

 

Because, as the stars began to burn through the canvas as a sign of morning, he was abandoned. Where's the pride in that way of life anyway? The time was hurrying towards its end, yet his life was still dripping so slowly, so slowly now, like watching the paint dry. 

 

 

Every time Rin woke up alone, he had that weird, empty sensation.  


 

The empty spot next to him turned out to remind him of something; it was an odd, dissociating feeling, as if there was something he was waiting for, but couldn’t comprehend what it had been. The feeling lingered, and eventually he became obsessed to it. The waiting, the impatient anticipation became his main reason to continue his gray journey; always on the run, he wanted to find out what he was looking for.

 

 

 

Rin got up from his berth. The day was still young, and the man watched it grow gray by the lake. Its rise had that same, unpleasant promise of nothingness; the same one that kept infinitely looping around him.  
He sighed. Maybe on a future day far from that one, when all is said and done; when seas cover lands, his heart would be free. But that day was not going to be the day, Rin figured; as it hadn’t been any of the thousands before.

 

 

 

 

Oh how wrong he could’ve been! 

 

By the time he was walking back, he noticed it hanging in the air. As a mixture of bright light and sanctity, the presence announced itself, smelling like vanilla and newly opened flowers. It was a new kind, not like the rough aura of the demons. The scent was somehow familiar, and it sent Rin’s head to spin. His brain hurt when he tried to think of what it was, so he straight-out decided to find it.

 

Rin sprinted through the labyrinth, his head going even more haywire. The presence was prickling his skin, it came across so intense -he absolutely had to find out what it was.  
After some indomitable searching, the man finally felt like he was drawing closer -then suddenly the source of the scent was in front of him.

 

 

 

Standing there, was the most terrified-looking angel Rin had ever seen. 

 

 

 

It made him doubt his senses. He had never encountered such an immaculate being like that, yet there it was... Rin’s thoughts were spiraling down, meeting the same conclusion over and over again: impossible. Convincing himself that it had to be just another dream, the man tried to blink it off.  
Just another dream, another illusion, which only purpose was to hurt him more…

 

Nevertheless, he couldn’t get his eyes off of it. The despair and anguish reflected from the creature’s eyes felt so real it invaded the air, and filled Rin’s mind when he breathed in: those feelings were painfully similar to his. The scene oddly reminded him from his nightmares, from the long forgotten things, but it wasn’t the same. Rin stared at the creature, and blue skies stared back at him. And the realization made the man shiver; the angel probably felt just as trapped as he did.

 

 

Eventually, those observations came across highly indifferent, as the moment was fleeting and grand. In that moment, there wasn’t anything else in the world but him and that glowing pure sight. Rin’s head felt cloudy. 

 

 

Before the man could properly react, the moment was gone, as soon as it had occurred. As soon as the angel disappeared, the old principles of the labyrinth enforced. After that high-flying meeting, the well-known blankness of Rin’s life felt freshly devastating. 

 

 

It was normalcy to him. When the whiteness was no longer visible, his brain deduced it as an illusion. The black walls of the labyrinth consumed the warm memory, sheltering him from the faintest glint of hope; it didn’t belong in his life in the least.

 

 

But it didn’t fit in. The encounter had caused a crack on the perfectly steady surface, disturbing the order of his life. Besides, the scent was still there; obvious and noticeable in the air, and there was nothing his mind would use to trick him to believe it was gone forever. For the first time in decades the fog was relenting, and Rin felt his mind shaking.

 

Deep in those controversial thoughts, he returned to the garden and found the figment of his imagination, sound asleep on the soft grass.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was surreal.

 

Rin stared at the little miracle, his state statue-like, afraid to breathe. The creature’s chest went up and down, slowly, steadily. It was terribly small and thoroughly white, and round face resting against the soft grass, its downy feathers twitched as it slept.  
The being was the most beautiful thing Rin had ever seen. It couldn’t stand a chance against the outer labyrinth -confirming that, the man felt like sheltering it in the garden forever…

 

There were no sound, except the angel’s quiet breathing, and Rin wondered if it was God’s will to send that to him.

 

He wanted to touch it, to ensure that it really was there, and not only in his mind. Was his lonely brain making up all this? Rin’s heart weighed even more than usual, but glancing the peaceful figure seemed to calm it. He pondered if he had ever met an angel during his life; but only thing he could recall was the infinite nothingness of the labyrinth, so he landed on a conclusion that he hadn’t. And so the encounter felt even more significant: Rin started to think that maybe, maybe that was the thing he had been waiting for…

 

 

His thoughts were interrupted when the angel woke up.

 

 

The fragile one immediately withdrew from Rin, a horrified look now crossing its face. Rin was confused –Had he done something wrong?  


 

The misunderstanding stemmed from Rin’s obliviousness to his appearance. The radical change had happened within such a long period it had slipped from his consciousness. In the course of time, he had grown taller, the feathers had changed into spikes, his teeth –Rin had turned to look more like a demon himself. Although he was now rather scary-looking, his insides were still the same, soft and caring –only lacking some of his common enthusiasm whatsoever.

 

The little creature’s reaction saddened him. The man could only watch in torment as the angel’s eyes filled up with tears. He had no idea what to do, for he knew he needed to do something –anything soon. He couldn’t let their first meeting happen like that.

 

 

So instinctively, Rin reached out his hand. His brows pinched together in determination, eyes fixed to the boy. The angel jolted back in horror and Rin knew he should stop, but he couldn’t get himself to carry it out. As if it was the only thing he had ever wanted to, he had to do it -he _had_ to touch him.  


 

Heart hammering, the demon placed his hand on the boy’s cheek. The small one gasped weakly against his palm, but Rin had found what he had wanted to: the angel’s skin felt warm, soft and undoubtedly real. And suddenly, he became aware of the calmness evenly settling in him, the calmness stemming from the realization that he was no longer alone.

 

 

He wanted no harm, and when the angel asked it, Rin made sure to shake his head efficiently. He even lowered his wings to make his intentions as clear as possible.

 

The feedback was rewarding. Rin was practically able to see the joy lighting up in the angel’s eyes. He was really pretty, and he also had the prettiest name. Rin could only stare at those enchanting eyes, and deep in his thoughts ended up reacting late, when the angel actually asked a question from him.

 

He was unsure. Unsure of whether he could remember his name correctly, or pronounce it. For he hadn’t spoken for such a long time…

 

Trying his best to vocalize a word, the demon managed out his name; “Rin”.

 

 

The outcome was a success, judging by the way the angel looked extremely delighted. Rin was confused how something so minor could bring so much happiness for that little creature.

 

The demon felt dazzled. The angel was a piece of the wholeness that existed outside the labyrinth. It was a sign that other creatures, bigger gardens, maybe even other universes, really were out there, waiting to be explored… But that just wasn’t for him. It was an intricate puzzle, meant for those with a will to live fully. And that wasn’t him, though maybe the universe had a desire to light that fire in him once again… Judging by the way the universe had dropped the most beautiful piece of that puzzle in his hands.

 

Socializing was exhausting. Rin watched as the angel got more and more energized, as he himself felt quite tired already. Not any fight with the outer demons had tired him like that for years; compared to watching that beaming creature for a few minutes it was light. Rin definitely needed some alone time.

 

But that wasn’t going to happen. He learned it very quickly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The angel came down like a shooting star, and maybe someone's wish came true in that moment." -from chapter one.


	13. Heaven

Once upon a time, there was a place the ones living there called, ’Heaven’.

 

The Heaven was a huge garden, full of love and light, and it was inhabited with thousands of angels. Life in there was peaceful, ethereal like they wanted to describe it –and no one would have ever wanted to change things from as they were.  


 

The days passed like a tree drops its leaves indiscriminately one after another. But eventually the perfection experienced a crack, and the tranquility came to an end. Their serene days were interrupted by attacks, when the demons found their way to the heart of their paradise.

 

What made the angels a desirable prey was their power to heal; just the presence of a holy being was enough to scar open wounds, eating one would make one untouchable. A group of angels were affecting each member just by their presence; it was the key for angel colonies’ age of millennials. 

 

At first the attacks were rare, targets selected by random. Despite the facts it left the community alarmed, as the fear of unknown was overwhelming. It was hard to avoid the panic in the midst of the angels, especially the younger ones. They were in the grip of fear, and when it started to interfere their everyday lives on a greater scale, the older ones decided it was a high time to act up.

 

And so they raised high walls around their garden, and turned it into a complicated labyrinth. But despite all the effort, the demons quickly got the hang of it, and started even more violent attacks. And the angels were forced to expand the labyrinth, twice, three times… Until it was triple of its size, but it seemed to never be enough as the demons always got through. Their garden shrunk and shrunk, as the labyrinth ate its living space.

 

Finally, the community was out of options. Their heaven had definitely turned too unsafe to stay, so it was time to left it behind. Teary-eyed, the little angels left their old home.  


 

The last one to go through the portal made sure, that the entrance was wrecked so no demon would ever be able to get through and follow them.

 

They settled to a new place, and started their life over; from planting a garden. And in the long run, the original part of the city was rejected, as no one wanted to be near the closed gate. It didn’t matter how many times they were told nothing would be able to get in or out, the fear stained. And as the centuries passed and the city grew wealthier, it lost its meaning. Angels tend to be carefree, and the younger generations wouldn’t even know about the previous heaven.

 

There were several hundred years of peaceful days, and once again, the angels let themselves to be lulled into a feeling of security. Until one of the little ones got missing.  


 

It was the most righteous and outgoing child everybody loved, so the loss touched the community deeply. Everyone did all they could to find him, but the searches had to be discontinued unsuccessful, and the angels mourned for many weeks.

 

 

Meanwhile elsewhere, existed the place only legends were talking about anymore. That place had just gained a new, young inhabitant.

 

In the course of time, the labyrinth’s original use had backfired. When back in the old days its solid purpose had been in defending and guarding, it was now a complete opposite. Misleading and damning the unfortunate ones, it was a kingdom of misery and loneliness. The walls standing unkempt, the shadowy corridors offered a hideaway for the single blind demons, staggering towards their starvation.

 

It was definitely no place for an angel.

 

 

Oh if it would have been only the danger of it! The air there was heavy with darkness, the substance infiltrating through the hedges. Invading space, it affected everything and everyone who wandered there, killing them slowly from inside. Only the strong ones ever survived; Rin was the first to experience it, and to undergo the change.  


 

Unfortunately even the strong ones were cursed. The labyrinth did spare no one, and its victims would be convicted to rootlessness, the maze wiping off their memories and happy thoughts. Leaving no space for hope or faith it would eventually curse them to suffer forever, before finally fading out.

 

 

Two worlds without any knowledge of each other’s existence, breathing side by side and expanding their space, overlapping and interlocking their fiber through the other’s cells. Rin’s worlds: his Heaven, and his death sentence, imprisoned and convicted to ignorance…

 

 

And far away from each other, but now rapidly drawing near, the two worlds were about to collide again: as a young angel called Ai was roaming the old parts of the Heaven, as a part of his daily routine of finding a nice, own niche to spend some time alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again with the word study.
> 
> I particularly like the Finnish word ' _arka_ ' -it means both timid and sore, which makes sense because if you are shy or hurt you don't want to be touched.
> 
> Also my username's literal meaning is _'(a person, who) grieves' / a mourner._
> 
>  
> 
> /EDIT: There's 1000 hits now. I'm truly amazed, as I would never have imagined so many people would be interested in this. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.


	14. Revival

Rin opened his eyes.

 

He was standing in a vast field, golden hay waving silently, brushing his knees. All around him opened the same view, white skyline coldly meeting his gaze. World around him unfolded to infinity in two main colors, white and vintage yellow.  


 

The tall man felt just a little bit dizzy, rubbing his eyes in uncertainty. It looked like he could see through his fingers, and the whiteness didn’t fade no matter how tightly he squeezed his eyes shut.

 

“What is this place…?” a question crossed the demon’s cloudy mind. The answer was nowhere to be found, with nobody near to offer even a flimsy one. A blast of wind came. It went through his hair and threw it into a mess on its way, poking fun at him for his puzzlement. It didn’t feel cold or warm on Rin’s skin.  


 

“It would be nice to stay…”, the man thought sleepily. Suddenly, he was becoming very tired.

 

 

When Rin closed his eyes, he started to see things through his eyelids. Shadows, like figures. They were playing around him, dashing here and there, trying to catch each other. And Rin recognized them: they were children, oddly familiar.  


 

He couldn’t identify their faces, as they were blurry: but he did notice their characteristics, the subtle manners they each possessed. And he felt like he belonged with them, though he didn’t know why –it was a familiar, safe feeling, beyond his messy consciousness.  


 

But then the shadows began to fade, and Rin started to panic –they were being taken away from him, and something was about to be left undone. Why did it feel so devastating? Like he should’ve been able to halt it from happening?  


 

Rin’s brain hurt again. He wanted out of that place –away from those unnecessary feelings. They were there only to bring him more pain.

 

The demon started to nod off. His concentration was slipping, and eventually, that tired mind gave up, and let him sink to sleep– 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

–only to wake him up again. 

 

That time, Rin recognized his surroundings immediately. He was in the garden of the labyrinth, facing the oak’s canopy. Some birds chirped cheerfully at each other. Broad daylight shone to his eyes.

 

 

Rin tried to recall the events. He had woken up alone, and immediately smelled the presence of that gross outer sider. Damn those things! The battle had been a tough one for a change, or so he remembered, though his condition strongly disagreed with the image as he felt no pain…

 

The demon stared straight into the sun. The light blinded his vision until whiteness was the only thing he could see. 

 

Why was he feeling so uneasy? As if he had forgotten something extremely important, something that would have changed his life forever. Rin’s head ached as he tried to think; the strong and demanding feeling of something missing wouldn’t leave him alone.  


 

Then suddenly –it was the scent, he understood afterwards– unlocked the memories. Another sharp jolt of pain shot through him when the images washed over him with full power. His mind was quickly flooded with the picture of the boy, leaving his mind full of screaming his name,

 

_AI_

 

And he tried to get up, only to find the weight of a certain someone pinning him down.  
Sound asleep on his lap, laid his exhausted little miracle.

 

 

 

 

 

The night had been long.  


 

The longest one Ai had ever experienced. All night he had cradled Rin’s head in his arms, caressing the demon’s cheeks. Eyes closed and mouth crooked a little he had looked as if he was just sleeping peacefully on his lap.  


 

For if an angel in Heaven hurt themselves while playing, the others would come quickly to kiss the scraped knee. That’s what Ai had known since he was a child, and it had always brought him comfort. Relying on that childish belief, ‘a kiss will make it better’, he had bended over to kiss the scratches on the man’s face, planting a wish on each of them. Sadly watching his motionless eyelashes, the angel had let the blue feeling hijack his already numb heart.

 

To preserve the continuation of that still loud, lively heart, had become the meaning of his life that night. The wishful sound of the man’s beat, the rise and the fall of his expanding chest, the motion of his circulating blood… They had all given Ai hope; an irreplaceable feeling that had convinced him that he was still linked to him and his irresistible mind. He had given the injured one all his heart could give, until his mind had slipped away, into the sound of the demon’s steady breathing.  


 

All night he had wiped the blood off Rin, grieving over every new wound found. Now, the tips of his wings were stained and red as the sun, which was rising and shedding its light on them.

 

 

 

 

Rin watched the sleeping angel with relief and a sense of pride. The strength and stubbornness of that little creature never failed to amaze him, no matter how many times he had witnessed it. Nevertheless, the wonderment fell soon secondary, as his mind travelled back to the day before. The thought caused his happiness to change into a thoughtful frown.

 

The whole incident was exactly what he had been afraid of -what he had been warning the angel about. The demons from the outer part of the labyrinth were a subject not to be taken too lightly. The remaining amount of an angelic, blessed spirit left in the gardens made it safe in the heart of the labyrinth, but everywhere else it just wasn't. A mere drop of angel's blood had been enough to attract one, and guide it to the sacred place. The fragile spell obviously wasn’t enough to halt it in its thrill. 

 

Rin moved his gaze from the view back to the boy. Calm again, he thought of the way Ai tended to slip his hand in his during the stormy nights; he thought of the way he would feel safe. _Be my friend; Hold my hand;_ the angel’s wishes weren’t much, and Rin was always more than happy to fulfill them. How Ai had managed all night on his own? All those evil forces against the little thing… Rin felt compassionate for the fear the angel had probably gone through.  


 

The demon leaned over his treasure, and wanting to make sure everything was okay, petted his soft, silver hair. Ai had probably healed him after the fight. It made the man think, that instead of worrying about each other mutually, they should start to build just a _little_ more trust in their relationship…  


 

Although Rin tried to be careful not to wake the boy up too soon, it was unavoidable.

 

 

 

The little angel yelped and got up, furiously like waking from a bad dream. As if he hadn’t rested at all, his stressed-out body stiffened in defense, eyes gazing around blindly. To realize Rin was awake too, and besides watching him with a smile, took Ai a moment. But when it occurred him, he made another sound -indistinguishable, but between a sob and a spurt of joy -and threw himself up, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck. Rin’s laughter vibrated in his hair.

 

 

It was better than what he would’ve dared to hope. Only hearing that lovable sound made Ai tear up, and his heart to burst with felicity.  


 

Rin was alive.  


 

The realization pulled him together, for he had been cut half -and for a moment it was all clear. Ai wept, but also laughed heartily through the sobs, and the bubbly sound resonated from deep his soul. All the sacrifices he had been able to make, had really paid back after all. The world was going to start again, as they had been healed -traded ones broken wings for another pair.

 

Calmed down a little, Ai looked at the man, tender smile conquering his lips. The blades of grass seemed to bend before the man’s eyes, and so bent his heart… Making that soft expression, the shape of his pink rosebud lips, alter; now being determined by the heartache he had been unable to drown.  


 

Sitting there on his lap, facing the man he loved -it should have been perfect, like nothing was wrong in the world. But he couldn’t help it -he couldn’t help _feeling_ imperfect.

 

And so it happened that the tears didn't stop; they kept flowing sustained, a vague change in emotion maintaining the solid downpour. Ai touched his face with his fingertips, a genuine perplexity written on his face. Helplessly he raised his eyes to look at Rin, as if he was indecisive of whether he needed answers or help. Eyebrows furrowed, his lips were now shaking and pressed together hard.

 

 

Because he hadn’t shed a single tear during that night. Instead, he had hardened the surface of his heart, layering it with iron and self-will. And he had run away from his feelings and fear, escaping further and further into himself, so the layers and layers of his weakness would never be able to touch him.  


 

The plan was supposed to be watertight. To shut down his senses; a traitorous hope had told him it would alleviate the pain. Nevertheless, the seal cracked; and everything that he had tried to hide mixed with his immense happiness, and rushed out.

 

 

_"I'm sorry!"_

 

 

What if Rin had died? What would’ve been the consequences? All those postponed things he had been too afraid to let into his conscious mind, reached their deadline and overtook him. He didn’t want to think about the what-ifs -especially now when it was all over. It was not fair! But what had been locked away were always eager to come back to him, choosing his happy moments for their date to arrive.  


 

Ai was feeling so small, so tiny he was afraid of getting lost in those huge feelings. His will was not enough to resist the weight, and like a dam bursts he gave in before the flood.

 

 

So many times the man had helped him back on his feet, he had wanted to give back the favor for just once. So through the night, he had put the sorrow in the farthest place of himself; in order to stay strong for Rin.  


 

There had been so many things, fears and insecurities, that had fought for his attention in his subconscious. Therefore he had purposely pointed all his attention to Rin, focusing on nursing him back to health.  


 

But despite the effort, it had still _hurt_. To look at all the pain he had caused had weighed on his heart, and like an eternal tug and war, he had tried to suppress the scorching guilt. The tiny black thoughts in his head had kept telling him,  


 

_"you made this",_

 

until he had been made to believe that Hell was waiting, impatiently for him… Then, ‘sanity’ is just a word, an inexplicable one. He couldn't put into words how exhausted his soul had been, just for having to balance his own, feeble self. Trying to deny his tiredness from him, he had constantly been told _this is not the time to be weak!_. Although he had done more than anyone could’ve asked for. While silently praying that he wouldn’t have to go another round…

 

 

 _“I’m sorry-”._

 

 

The little creature on the demon’s lap wailed, and let the upset feelings out from his eyes, for he was so tired of having to keep them in. Every exhale brought out another wail, and the inhales were hasty and out of control. In between the sobs Ai was able to blurt out another bunch of wobbly apologies, although he probably needed to get them said more than Rin did. 

 

And Ai found out that while he was stuck in his body, inhabiting one dimension -his mind was in another; remaining still in the shadows of that night. And the night continued, unable to move on -and in that realm he was still running for a soft place to fall.  


 

It had been so dark! And in the dark he had seen it all: his own uselessness and selfishness: he had wanted Rin alive for him, but was it wrong? He had wanted Rin to survive so it would prove that he was enough for him -to save him, but was it wrong? Weary under the guilt he was carrying, the angel ran out of strength; clinging onto the demon with all he had left. And he immersed his deep dark fears into his lover’s flaming hair, heart seeking some sort of comfort within it.

 

Rin was alive. There, with him, but things had changed forever after the accident. Could Rin still love him, after everything he had done? The thought had made him so sad, and now mixing with the relief of having Rin back, it left the angel’s head perturbed. 

 

Every part of his aching heart needed Rin. But the love he had once known, was now all gone and wasted. Love had only brought him pain, but he knew that loving someone had still been the best he had done in all his life. To waste that beautiful, incandescently pure sadness of love to Rin, had been worth it all the while.

 

 

With contorted mouth the angel kept repeating the apology, the words running from his lips in continuous outpour. In contrast Rin, stable minded, had wrapped his arms around the boy’s slim frame. Knowing in his heart he wouldn’t be able to tame the angel’s intense emotions, he held him tightly. He wouldn’t judge Ai for his feelings: he would value and learn from them, and most importantly; let them be. It was no use to rush; he would need to let it go before he could get over it.  


 

So Rin concentrated on caressing his hair, and the angel’s warmness close to him reminded him how immensely lucky he was; for he still had him there in his arms... He was at least equally affected, relieved and moved by it than the angel: just showing it in his own subtle way. Watching the boy, his heart was refilled with warmness; convincing him to never let him go. And in the heat of the moment, he made a promise; he would never leave Ai alone again.

 

With long draws, Rin stroked the angel’s back soothingly. One thing he found beyond belief; how much so little of a body could contain tears. No matter how many minutes had already passed, they just kept coming; dripping from under the angel’s closed eyelids and long eyelashes. Concerned, the demon wondered what kind of things he was going through: what there had been in that night, that had made him so, so sad. His mind wouldn’t get troubled hearing about it, at least not as much as it was perishing while watching Ai suffer.

 

The angel’s wailing had quieted down. Rin saw his chance and carefully withdrew from the boy, slightly re-positioning himself so he got to look at him. 

 

“Hey.” the demon touched his chin to guide their eyes to meet. The angel’s eyes were wide and rich with water, the same that glistened on his rose-colored cheeks.

 

“It wasn’t your fault”.

 

Ai pulled away from the touch, bewilderment crossing his face. Distraught, he voiced an objection.  


 

“B-But I was the one who-“

 

“Shh”.

 

Rin had pressed his fingers on the angel’s upset lips, pacifying his agitation. He shuddered under the sudden touch, but the man acted gently as always, and it managed to reassure him a little. Wiping off some of the plump teardrops on Ai’s pink and messed up face, Rin’s eyes skimmed over his loved one’s features. His expression was soft and adoring –Ai remembered it from the days where it all had still been alright.  


 

The demon exhaled. Is it possible to miss someone who’s right before you? Rin wasn’t sure, but somehow, he was sure the angel was wondering the same thing… To mark the place where longing ended, and the gift of belonging started, he leaned in and planted a kiss on Ai’s forehead. And as tough they didn’t have their issues; as tough they would someday matter in the grand scheme of things, Rin declared their position. Ignoring the infinite, untouchable yearning in his soul.

 

 

_“I’m here”._

 

 

Ai let out a heartbreaking sob. He wanted to apologize a thousand times more, to make up to it; although he knew Rin wouldn’t let him. Rin didn’t want him to feel guilty -instead, he was always quick to lift the burden off him, to carry it in his place. The determination glistened in his eyes, it was the same, familiar trait of his that he had known and loved.  


 

And pointing out an obvious fact -its importance there was immeasurable. Ai understood, that what Rin was trying to say was that it was enough: that he didn’t have to cling on the unnecessary fears. It was enough that he was there, they both were -they were enough for each other. The words quieted down the discouraging voices a little, and closing his eyes tightly, Ai breathed in -it was getting easier at last. Finally being able to relax his tense shoulders, he suddenly understood how much he had needed to hear it. It was okay.

 

 

Rin watched the angel emerge from his shell -blooming like a flower on his lap. His soft, impatient hands, his lips against the corner of the demon’s mouth, his smile -none of those things had ever tasted so sweet to him. The reunion felt like he hadn’t even met the boy until that point. Ai snuggling affectionately against his neck felt like home, as if he had just got him back -as if there was nothing in the world he should’ve been worried about anymore. Laying down his head to rest it on the angel’s shoulder, the demon thought of his amiability, and vulnerability.

 

 

_“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you”._

 

 

They were back, both of them -pulled from their personal nightmares, afraid of losing. Their hopes and shattered dreams and insecurities now lying uncovered before them, they were worn. But as crying is not a sign of weakness; but a sign that you are alive -it helped them heal and freed them from the past.  


 

Their love as a mend that kept them together, a living heart beat against another. They were made of the same air and ash; nothing could threaten them, as long as they were real to each other.

 

 

Half weeping, half laughing they embraced and rolled on the grass, the garden bathing in the brightness of midday’s sun. Which one of them was more whole at that point, couldn't be told. And although the affliction had brought them closer, it wouldn’t remain their last fight.

 

 


	15. Illness

A few hours after they woke up, Rin decided it was high time to get up.  


 

He lent a hand for the angel, but as soon as Ai tried to put weight on his left feet, he let out a wail. The wound on his ankle left by the outer side demon was still fresh and ugly.  


 

A concerned expression crossed Rin’s face. How unfair was that Ai was the only angel nearby, and therefore when he got hurt there was no one to heal him? Gently holding his both hands, Rin led the limping angel to the side of the small pond at the end of their garden.  


 

Ai writhed when the demon pulled his ankle to the water. It was cold and the wound stung, and it made Ai to bite his lip. Rin washed the blood off as carefully as possible.

 

 

Still, every bruise counted. The battle scars left in their bodies were a visible proof that their promise, their love, was definitely not the easily shattered type. The marks on their skins were a memorial victory of it, and it brought them closer. If Ai had stayed up to caress one of the demon’s many scars, Rin would always tell him how proud he was of the angel. For that Ai would splutter, maybe he would say that it was nothing, but deep down he would appreciate the words. Because for him, being valued was something he had always desired but never before gained.  


 

Both of them had their wounds and vulnerabilities, physical and mental. All Rin craved was just to belong, he needed to belong, like he had never. In Ai, his wish had become fulfilled; namely home was something Rin had never had, but had always dreamed of. In Ai, he had found it; the place where he felt safe. And although he knew that Ai didn't belong there, he knew that he would always follow him. For it didn’t matter where they would go, he would always feel at home within the angel.

 

 

Over time, the joy of being together didn’t particularly fade, they just accepted it as a norm again. Now, never leaving their cozy spot anymore, they were locked to each other, as each of them were too afraid of losing their other half. They had nothing else but each other, but it filled the emptiness, and fixed the brokenness. They were always enough for each other.  


 

But in the long run, Rin became conscious of the subtly changes in the angel’s behavior. Ai was growing more and more tired, the vividness of his being flattening. He quitted being his playful self, and Rin was already missing it, he was missing him, although he was right there next to him. So the demon stayed by the angel’s side, when he slept longer and longer, often far beyond midday. Despite of it, his exhaustion never relented, and his fingers were cold.  


 

What made Rin the most afraid, was that the familiar light in Ai’s eyes was running out. The truth was given away by the way they were fixed and mournful, and Rin felt sick of worry just looking at them. Although every now and then Ai would try to smile, Rin knew it was just for him –an attempt to halt him from worrying. So it became, that the most sorrowful thing about that sight wasn’t the expression, but its reason to be showed.

 

 

When Rin understood that Ai was healing him constantly, he wanted to be mad.  


 

Ai loved everything in him to the point his golden heart was willing to give his own energy to keep the demon from suffering. The tears of an angel are precious; it’s telltale that they are willing to give up on themselves for you, for they care about you more. It goes to show, when the angel cries they pour out all their empathy and love –that’s why they heal so effectively. Ai felt responsible for the demon. And Rin, seeing that selfless creature tenderly watching him with those sorrowful eyes, wishing him all the best…  


 

He had to refrain. But he was ready for anything, determined to save the only life he could save -not his, but the angel's.

 

 

Sometimes Rin’s thoughts went wandering. He thought about all the love in the world that goes wasted, secrets that the lonely ones talk in their sleep. How falling star is as beautiful as it is dead.  


 

He thought about what in Ai he would miss the most.  


 

Would it be the way he twiddled the hem of his cloth when he was nervous, how it revealed his reddish knees? Or the way his ruffled wings would twitch whenever he talked about something that excited him? There were so many precious, wonderful details, he couldn’t pick just one. Rin thought about his beloved, and where he laid, leaves from the oak falling over him. His tiptoed love wearing off, the invisible illness becoming stronger; and every breath measured the time they had left. And although he waited for the stars to rise, they never did.

 

It is unfair. Unfair how the most beautiful things are always the first ones to go, how the kindest hearts always carry the most pain. Rin was uncertain if they would ever find their way out of harm. Would they be doomed to stay forever in the labyrinth?  


 

Although the eternity… in Rin’s mind, it wouldn’t be long, if only he got to spend it with Ai.

 

 

 

The nights when the thickest dark did trance the sky, they laid side by side, fingers interlocked. And although their eyes met, their skin touched, their hearts fluttered, everything then so beautiful was now colored with sorrow. Blowing warm breaths on Ai’s skin Rin tried to keep him warm, but it wasn’t for any salvage. His pale skin remained thin and cold, and Rin would feel the frigidity spreading from his body. Ai reminded him of the flowers in their garden; beautiful but after the winter came, gone with the frost. Their haunted world was half asleep; a yawning neverland between life and finality. 

 

 

Ai woke him up in the middle of the night, and asked him over and over again: “What are we going to do?” with a broken voice.

 

And the nights turned to mornings, the dust came down, and they were silent.

 

 

 

The origin of the hardship was in the labyrinth. The heavy, dark atmosphere was finally getting to Ai, who fell weaker by every breath of air. It was invading his body, seeping through his cells and blackening his lungs, and Rin wasn’t sure if the angel was strong enough to withstand it. Would it make him change too? Or would it end his life? Rin despised himself for being so helpless; he was unable to protect the only thing worthy in his life. The familiar hatred boiled inside of him once again, hatred towards their fate and himself because he should have understood earlier.  


 

How long they had been stuck there? How long it would still be?  


 

Because although the labyrinth had never got a grip of Rin, now it was reaching him menacingly as well. Before Ai, he had been cold at heart and mind, and therefore, safe from its wickedness. For the curse didn’t affect the unemotional and indifferent, it was quickly over the ones who cared. Rin’s only weakness, the fact that he had fallen in love, was his road to destruction.

 

 

 

 

Ai crawled on his lap, and seeking warmth nuzzled his face against his chest. Mumbling an irrelevant “You’re warm”, the angel kept his eyes shut and rested.  


 

But he wasn’t warm. Ai’s body was cold and lighter than ever, and Rin was afraid his touch would only darken the angel’s tortured being more. Although he was certain of his hands on the other’s skin, he couldn’t tell why it still felt like he wasn’t there. Moreover, it felt like Ai was constantly slipping from his embrace, his existence shattering like the surface of water shatters.

 

Clear water can never hide anything. It is completely see-through, and that’s why it feels the most dangerous. Because Ai’s soul was there, it was bare and exposed to Rin, and it confirmed him that Ai would devote himself unconditionally to him.  


 

From that moment on Rin knew he had to carry that burden alone, the curse of being the only one who possess the truth. He caressed Ai’s hair absently, and thought about death: he could tell it was near, but waiting for the end while not knowing which one of them would give up first -it was even scarier.

 

 

 

_“I wish I could take you away.”_

 

 

 

The words were muffled, but still easily understandable.  


 

Ai bent his neck to peer up. Those curious eyes meeting Rin’s made Rin regret he had opened his mouth in the first place. The demon’s eyes were as dark as when they had first met, and it occurred Ai that they were all the way back in the starting line.  


 

The angel ducked his head when he understood Rin wasn’t going to say anything else. He felt a little feverish, but ignored the nausea and opened his mouth to speak.

 

“Rin, I… I just remembered a thing someone told me a long time ago”.

 

The demon’s eyes were fixed to the skyline, but he gave in and dropped his gaze to meet the angel’s. He wasn’t really paying attention, but just hearing the angel’s sweet voice brought him solace. He hadn’t even realized how much he had missed it.  


 

The eye-contact went as a sign of permission, and Ai was happy to continue, as he valued the importance of what he was saying. He rushed in the first sentences, blundered, and blinked a few times before getting it done. His soft wings quivered familiarly out of anticipation, and for a moment everything was like it used to be.

 

“They told me the strongest ones are the ones who allow themselves to love, because –because they know it will hurt, but they are willing to go for it anyway”.  


 

Ai took a short break, his lips forming a tiny smile. The expression came across warm and dreamy.  


 

“It takes immense courage”.

 

Rin seemed inattentive, but Ai was certain he was hearing every word. His voice sounded hopeful, and empathetic, and that was the voice Rin had grown to love. Ai was calm and tranquil as he spoke. 

 

“So that’s why I think you’re strong, Rin”. 

 

Re-positioning himself, the angel got up to meet the demon’s baffled face. Ai reached out both hands and cupped the demon’s face between them, wiping the messy tears with his thumbs. This time, Rin made no appointments to hide.  


 

The touch of the small hands soothed the demon’s heavy heart. Rin hold the angel by his waist, just resting his hands there. “It would be nice”, he thought wearily, “to hold him forever like this”.

 

Ai watched his loved one, and deep in thought, ran his fingertips on his hair and horns. He was afraid, not of death like one would suppose, but of the loneliness it would cause. A wistful feeling filled his heart, and he hung his head, dropping his hands on Rin’s shoulders. There was a crack on his voice as he continued.

 

“I feel like everything is slowly fading, but you’re always there. It’s so overwhelming! It makes me sometimes wonder, if you’re really made of bones and skin…”

 

 

Grief is just like an ocean. Sometimes, it greets us with gentle waves, rocking us within the lullaby of the sea. Sometimes it’s a storm, raging and picking us to pieces. Fighting against it is like learning to swim with pockets full of stones, and because Ai didn’t understand it, he was desperate and drowning. In his mind, the sadness was a dark and cold sea he was lost at. He felt like he was looking Rin through millions of gallons of water on that exact moment.  


 

“You’re the only thing that remain, Rin, so please…”, sincere desire in his eyes.

 

 

“Say that you’ll always be with me”.

 

 

He needed to hear it. Because Rin was his anchor, and without him, there would be no way for him to survive.

 

 

Love is a promise; promise that they won’t give up on each other. Rin understood that the answer was in themselves; what it only needed was them to have faith in each other. He felt embarrassed that the angel had seen the truth so easily, meanwhile his own vision had been muddy and blurred for the old reasons. But he knew that the angel wasn’t judging him.  


 

The demon sighed. Bending over the boy, he hugged him tighter than before –he understood the fear the angel was going through, and hoped his love would transfer to him through the embrace. If nothing else, Ai had lifted off some the weight from his shoulders, and he loved him for that too. For he didn’t want to be afraid no more, he knew that neither did the angel –so it was the time for him to return the favor.

 

Ai wiggled to free his hands, and clung them around the demon’s back. Holding his breath, he waited patiently, and the only sound left was the sound of their hearts beating in synchronization. Rin stopped and waited, listening to it for a moment.

 

 

 

_“I’ll always be with you”._

 

 

 

The man pressed his lips gently against the angel’s mouth. Ai quivered shyly, and although the words became a bit muffled in endearment, Rin knew they had reached him. 

 

And he knew that for Ai, he would feel homesick a lot.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: The finale is going to come out _super_ long -it kind of started to live mid-editing.
> 
> Might take a while still. I haven't been feeling too great lately.


	16. Homecoming

The easiest way was just to sleep.  


 

That’s what they did, day by day. Clinging to each other, they slept many days, letting the state of unawareness lull them into the idea of alleviation.  


 

Ai’s eyes were constantly red and puffed from crying, and Rin would’ve wanted to ease his pain, but didn’t know how. There were barely any words left, only the sound of their lone heartbeats echoed in the dusk, slower and fainter every day.  


 

And the time continued its brutal whirling, prolonging and prolonging their pain, until their hearts were numb, and barely breathing…

 

 

 

Fortunately, even the most painful days are sure to come to an end. The universe remembers even its unwanted ones, and looks after them –for Rin and Ai, it had had a plan all along. They had been waiting for death, but it was a mercy the universe had kept something better in store for them.

 

 

 

 

That morning was particularly beautiful, finer than any other before. Ai woke up first.  


 

Laying still, he felt the numb feeling circulate within his blood. The flow was slowly reaching his heart, he could tell, but there was nothing to be done. He was tired and frail, wearied by the endless days of hard luck.  


 

Ai didn’t want to be awake, but it wasn’t up to him. His body felt heavy, heavier than the air in his lungs, which felt more suffocating than breathable. In his fatigue, for a moment it looked like the sun was shining right through his skin… Ai shut his eyes again.  


 

Rolling over, the angel tried out his hands. Meeting the flesh of the other, warm and soundly breathing next to him, made it all a bit better. The obscurity of his existence didn’t bother him all that much when he was with Rin; the demon made him feel like he was a sun, making everything shine and grow beautiful. Ai let out a sigh.  


 

Narrowing his eyes, he peered the calming sight. The angel shed the stiffness off his wings, left by the night, by arching his back deliberately. Carefully he bent them, sheltering him and his secret –burying them both into the soothing darkness.  


 

Ai pushed some stray locks out of Rin’s face and tucked them behind his ear. Running his gaze over the demon’s features, the angel tried to memorize them: the line of his jaw, the curve of his brows, the feeling of his lips. He didn’t want to forget even the tiniest detail. Ai was afraid to make a single sound, afraid to break the spell, and was suddenly relieved that Rin was asleep –he didn’t want him to see his weakness.  


 

The reminder, that everything is perishable, is the most painful unasked. Ai blinked plump teardrops out of his eyes, a thick lump in his throat. The water blurred the picture of his love as he fought back persistent sobs.  


 

He was just an aching heart. For he had always been too small for anyone to notice, Rin was truly a miracle. The angel was afraid to say out loud how much he loved him, afraid it would pass unnoticed. Instead, he deferred it to listen the demon breath the cool sadness of their room.

 

 

 

 

The angel was nodding off, when Rin opened his eyes a moment later. “Ai”, he said strongly, bewildered look crossing his face.  


 

Ai pulled back, ashamed and confused. He pondered if he had done something funny, but Rin stared intently at him, as if he was trying to point something out. The angel took the hint and concentrated on listening, until he heard it too.

 

 

 

The sound of people.

 

 

 

 

They dashed together towards the origin of the sound, Rin letting Ai go first. The angel squeezed his hand too tightly, anxious anticipation telltale. They had no idea of what was coming, of the major change that was coming. But they were about to find it out.

 

 

Finally locating the voices, Ai turned around the last corner to the ruin garden. 

 

 

There was a pack of little angels, blubbering and stumbling in the corridor.

 

 

 

The encounter left both parties dumbstruck –for a second. In a blink of an eye, the angel was surrounded by his kind. In a twirling storm of laughter and white feathers, everyone fought for the privilege of hugging Ai first.  


 

“Ai! Where have you been!”  


 

“It’s my turn to hug him! My turn!”  


 

“Hey, Momo, don’t shove-“  


 

The angels kept blabbering at the same time and on top of each other, clumsily but playfully. Everyone were just like they used to be, mouths full of words and hands full of joy. Ai’s heartfelt laughter could be heard among them, the sound bubbling and resonating with the dozens of voices similar. He couldn’t answer any of their swarm of questions, because there were simply too many and it amused him everlastingly. Seeing everyone there made the angel burst with happiness, the feeling syrupy sweet and summery, and it felt like he hadn’t been absent for even one day. The dearest of his memories came flooding to him; literally, with their arms open and warm around his waist, nuzzling their pink noses against his cheeks. Suddenly he noticed that all the frailty had fell out, as if he had gained their blooming sunny energy, transmitted by their touch. Their healing had reached him; making gold run in his veins, shimmering for the days he had lost. He was coming alive again.

 

In the eyes of the others, Ai was the most caring and kind-hearted little angel. Every one of them agreed with that. His delicacy and leniency made him beautiful not only externally, but also deep down. All of them loved their beloved friend from the bottom of their hearts, and that’s what made his founding truly a celebration.  


 

The creature standing in the midst of them appeared a bit dusty, but the endearing laughter could easily be recognized as Ai’s. His softness, his whiteness, his presence were all familiar as ever, but they could tell with the tiniest glance that there was more to it. Somehow during his absence, Ai had grown taller, his features more determined, without any change in his physical appearance. All of them noticed it, although they couldn’t define the cause. Little they knew, how now Ai had someone to protect.

 

 

 

Rin stood aside the path, retreating into the shadows. He couldn’t hear their voices, he couldn’t hear their laughter; he couldn’t hear anything besides the deafening rush of blood ringing in his ears. It felt like the ground had just started to part under his feet; his world’s most secure thing had just fallen uncontrollable. Although he couldn’t get his head around the matter completely yet, he already knew this was the beginning: end of their story. Ai was going home.

 

Then Rin accidentally made an eye-contact with one of the angels. As a result, a horrified look crossed their face and they screamed. Soon the whole pack was panicking: the angels wailed and bumped into each other in terror, downy feathers forming a rapid whirlwind. Ai raised his head, and looked out for Rin; confusion and fear gleaming in his eyes. But tiny hands tugging his body parts pulled him back, away from the demon. Ai tried to get his voice through, to fight his hands free, but could not see Rin any longer.

 

 

 

Rin ran away from the garden gates as fast as his legs could carry him. Fleeing from the scene, he tried to drop off all the images of them; only to found out that his mind wasn’t cooperative. White noise clogged his senses like an old TV screen, a blizzard shouting noiselessly in his ears. The same whiteness he had been living and breathing those past months was now violating him.  


 

Stopping to gasp for air, Rin leaned his hands on his knees. He had arrived at his destination; back to the garden which they had left just some minutes ago. The place looked ever the same; the same than when he had first found Ai there, sleeping on the soft grass in front of the gate. The nature around him didn’t know the nature of time; how inexorably it changes things and lives. The trees didn’t know that everything had already changed beyond recovery.

 

Ai was going home.

 

 

The sentence contained so much conflict its processing was burning his brain. The centuries of loneliness washed over him as a memory so heavy it physically weighed on his shoulders, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to start it all over again. Just the thought of it made him feel nauseous and unbalanced.

 

Those people he had just met… They were Ai’s family, all so immaculate and good Rin felt impaired compared to them. And therefore, he felt painfully guilty: for he had made such a perfect creature to fall in love with him. Ai had never been there for him to keep; he belonged to a different story, a fairytale Rin couldn’t possibly reach. Their paths had just temporarily crossed, and he had been lucky to be allowed to hold him for a while, that was all… Still, it hurt like hell, because it had mattered so much.

 

 

Ai mattered so much. Rin had been just a silhouette in his sad and monotonous life, before Ai had brought his brightness in. He had seen everything in Rin that no one else loved, and adopted it as his own. His smile had been able to light up Rin’s ghost town heart, giving him something to believe in. It had healed Rin -he had got so much from Ai, that he didn’t know how he could ever pay him back.  


 

Rin had been happy just to hold him and call him his own -the simple things. Yes, he had been happy just for being able to love; but to love so hard it had left both of them wounded wasn’t what he had been aiming for. They had lost too deep into each other; submerged and drunken hearts, blindly searching for the other’s pulse. Rin had hold on so tightly, too tightly. He had been so afraid of his loneliness he had felt the pain scorching marks into his skin.

 

 

Love is a promise. 

 

 

A promise they were unable to keep. Rin had learned the hard way how fragile thing a true happiness is; how it never lasts as long as you wish it would. Ai didn’t belong in that place; he belonged in the midst of his own kind. In order to love, one must be ready to make sacrifices; and it occurred Rin that it was their time. He had always known it; sooner or later, he should let Ai go.  


 

And he would let him go.

 

Rin wasn't afraid of the pain. No, he was used to it... His heart was beaten up and bruised, left to rot. He had lost direction a long time ago; with an identity that consisted of just debris, it kept piling up like snow does. Perhaps he had fallen in already; into a bottomless swamp that was his fate, sinking towards his demise. Ignoring the old emptiness’ knocking, Rin finally walked away, footprints smeared in ash and longing.

 

 

 

Deep in dark waters, Rin failed to acknowledge the arrival of the angel until he was there.  


 

Dashing towards Rin, Ai dove under his droopy wings and threw his body against his. The man almost lost his balance in the heat of the moment, but the angel pulled them back with outstretched wings. He rose to stand on his toes in order to reach the man’s face, hands tightly wrapped around his torso. Tips of their noses were brushing together now like in Eskimo kissing, and the angel repeatedly called out his name “ _Rin, Rin, Rin_ ”, desperate and exited and bursting.

 

Ai definitely wasn’t ready to let go.

 

The small one was so in alarm his wings were trembling, shivering eyelashes brushing Rin’s skin. And as if he was holding on the word for his life, he kept repeating the name with every fervent gasp of breath. Eventually, he was tired; his familiar scent calming him down. Ai curled up nose against his neck, and let his wings droop; the longest of the feathers wiping the ground.  


 

 

The argument gained ground to the highest levels because it was silent; the angel’s actions were entirely spontaneous. It was more instinctive than think-through -a pure, incorrupt feeling. His hands were now wrapped around Rin’s neck, head resting on the demon’s chest. He couldn't have been more dependable.

 

Ai felt confident in his decision. In Rin’s arms, it felt that anything on earth would be possible; they would have no limits. Raising his head to let it out, joy seemed to bloom from his eyes; shining with radiant, sincere courage.

 

 

_“I’m not leaving without you”._

 

 

His words made the knives in Rin’s heart turn.  


 

Ai had come to him, but holding him only wounded the man more. The pain worsened with every beat of that warm heart against his own broken one; turning unbearable. Despite the thick layer of denial clouding his judgment, he still noticed how the boy had changed; like a little sun, his whole being appeared warm and vivid again. But it didn’t change the situation.  


 

With hands that felt like they weren't his own, Rin detached the angel, and pushed his warmness away. The devastated look crossing the angel’s face absolutely broke his heart, but he had to stick to his decision. Ai was trying to fight back now, but Rin pinned him in place with his hands on his shoulders.

 

"You can't say that".

 

The man’s words made an upset expression emerge on the angel's face. Not leaving him room for any protests, Rin leaned over the boy, who listened carefully every anxious sentence whispered in his ear. Rin’s words were shaky and excited, and even though he was trying to make Ai to believe them, it seemed that he was failing to believe them himself. Ai listened incredulously frowning, doubt written all over his face -and with every word that left Rin’s lips, his grip on top of Rin’s hands tightened.  


 

The demon talked a lot about the past; how he had been disordered and corrupted since then, and therefore belonged only to the labyrinth anymore. Ai gathered that perhaps he was trying to extinguish the conflict inside his head born by Ai’s words; as if there was something in the past that he wanted to reach and recover –but wasn’t sure what it had been. Ai looked at the man, and suddenly understood his running from something that he had lost a long time ago.

 

 

Getting up on his toes, Ai pressed their foreheads together; so close that their lips were almost touching. He wanted to pull him up from the rock bottom -to reassure him that it was safe to let go, for he still got his back. Blowing warm breaths against the demon’s skin, he tried to reach Rin through his defenses, his armor; and make him internalize his statement.  


 

What of it, if the corruption of his internals really would have progressed so far it had started to metastasize? What of it if he felt too impure to be welcomed to the Heaven? Ai knew that he wasn’t, and he knew that he wanted him there. Rin spoke to him like he was a child –but he wasn’t anymore, he had dropped that along the way. To undress his wounds and to open his heart had been the price he had had to pay for it, but he had grown –and he had done it gracefully, for he had kept his innocence.

 

 

Pressing his lips together, Ai displayed surprising stubbornness and shook his head, showing Rin he refused to listen to any excuses. The demon watched the pouting boy before him, his determination and sensibility, and realized how tightly he was holding onto his decision; it was impossible to talk him over it now. 

 

 

 

Sneaked their way to the garden in Ai’s footsteps, the pack were about to interrupt the two’s dispute. Shy yet curious, the little heads peeked from behind the wobbling wings. Rin instinctively retreated a step when he saw them approaching, equally reserved around them as they were around him.  


 

Ai got down to stand firmly on his heels, sliding his hands down Rin’s chest. He didn’t dare to remove his grip altogether, afraid that Rin would withdraw from him again if he did. Turning his gaze from his friends to his love, he tried to catch Rin’s eyes. They were avoiding his; anxious and dark look in them. Rin let out a nervous, breathless laugh.  


 

”They are scared of me”, the demon whispered, his tone gentle but excessively sad.

 

 

Ai's determination had shattered his. Rin knew it now; there was no way in the world he could ever live without Ai. Just the possibility of losing him now and staying alone in the labyrinth unto the eternity was enough to tear his heart out. He had numbed to the situation; and fear was freezing out the extra.  
Even if he wanted to say it out loud, even if it was important, he was frightened, and like a tree that had died standing he stood still, his feet rooted deep to the ground. The slightest swing on the scale could put everything at stake, so he refrained. He couldn’t say it out loud, but he wanted him to stay. 

 

Then again, he didn’t need to say anything. Ai had already caught up with his thoughts; his curious eyes were used to following the flow of the demon’s changing emotions. He already knew what he was thinking; and he felt brave for the first time since being dropped to the labyrinth. Determined, the angel pinned his lips together, and with one gentle yet confident move, he grabbed Rin’s arm and started to drag him towards the little ones. He would make it work. 

 

 

”Everyone... This is Rin”, Ai introduced the man. He felt nervousness slightly tucking in his stomach, but squeezing Rin’s hand help him to gather some courage.  


 

The other angels blinked, and then exploded to talk again. The awkward silence had occurred because they had not known what to do or say when meeting a real demon for the first time. Now when Ai had made it clear that it was alright, they all wanted to introduce themselves for Rin -everyone at the same time, unfortunately.  


 

Rin stared dumbstruck the swelling wave of feathers and excitement that now flooded all around him. The pressuring situation had unwound, and even Ai burst out laughing out of his nervousness. It stirred up the enthusiasm in the rest of them even more, and their speaking volume increased to ear-splitting. Rin, who was too used to Ai’s soft-spoken mouth, found it extremely inconvenient.

 

After some messy introductions, the angels’ conversation drifted to completely different tracks. They wanted to know all about Rin, and directed their thousand questions half to him, half to Ai. 

 

“When did you two meet?”  


 

“Wow, how is it like, being a demon? Is it fun?”  


 

“Where did you find him?”  


 

“Man, he looks so cool!”  


 

“Do you live in here?”  


 

“Aww, I wish he was an angel so he could come with us”  


 

”There was once an angel called Rin by the way,”  


 

”Hey, I remember that story!”  


 

“Me too!”

 

 

“W-Wait a second!”

 

 

A dozen pair of eyes turned to look at Ai, who blushed. He wasn’t comfortable with being in the central of attention, so he quickly redefined his plea, asking them to explain the ‘story’ they had brought up.  


 

The new topic aroused their interests, and the little angels gathered closer as if someone was spilling a secret. Even though they were too young to have lived through that time firsthand, everybody knew the story, and enthusiastically in unison they tried to quote parts of it they remembered. The angels imitated crying, exaggerating and silly. It was a mess, and Ai had to shush the group a couple of times in order to make them slow down.

 

“ _A young angel called Rin disappeared near the ruined city which made everybody very sad_ ”, was what Ai gathered. One particular term drew his attention, and it was the “ _ruined city_ ”, because that was exactly where his last memories before the fall were placed. 

 

The old thing had probably been dug up after Ai got missing, because of the cases’ striking similarity. Ai couldn’t recall the original story precisely, but it shook him nevertheless; because if it was true, it could only mean one thing.

 

 

It was as if all of them had realized the same thing at the same time, because suddenly all eyes were on Rin again. The demon, who was completely out of the subject, winced bewildered. The silence was soon broken, when someone said out loud what everybody was thinking: 

 

 

 

“Could this Rin… be the same Rin as in the story?”

 

 

 

It was a beautiful thought. It would explain so many obscure, unclear things -all of them, actually. The longer the angel pondered it, the truer it became. The story was truthful unsaid; and he felt like somehow, he had always known… For the man’s nature had always been more alluring rather than repelling to him. Suddenly it all crashed down to Ai at once; he had been looking at him through so narrow of a window! And the truth occurred to him the most wonderful way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Rin was an angel._

 

 

 

 

 

 

As if the sun had just risen before his eyes, the angel stared at the man with all new curiosity and enhancement. The beautiful truth unfolded to him with an inhale -a blooming flower in his mind. Who would’ve guessed what secrets the universe had been withholding from him? The discovery made him feel relieved and enamored of him all over again -and then he realized something important.  


 

Now that they knew Rin was one of them, he would be all more likely to be accepted in Heaven. Ai gasped, the hope in his heart having it jump happily like a little bird. The angel opened his mouth to verbalize his finding, but once again, got quieted down by his peers.

 

“It’s him!”  


 

“Poor Rin! What have happened to you?”  


 

”Look at your wings, they’ve lost all the feathers!”

 

 

The kids had so immense faith for the good, that they didn’t think it twice. Rin was definitely one of them now, and with no inhibitions they had soon encircled the man, examining his wings and clothes. At the latest on that point the demon was getting really uncomfortable. Unable to escape the repression, he stood still and nervous, wings twitching at every touch.

 

 

Rin couldn’t believe it. They couldn’t really be serious about that -it was too far-fetched. He had listened to the story, but couldn’t assemble the pieces in his mind. Unable to feel the obvious connection between himself and the kid, he clumsily thought that Rin must’ve been pretty common angel name, and that whole thing was just a big misunderstanding.  


 

Even if he was one and same with some other Rin from some old tale, he felt like he should’ve remembered something about it. On the other hand, he barely remembered what he and Ai had been up to just yesterday… His memory wasn’t so trustworthy, the man had to admit; but the confounding of his life’s order irritated him nevertheless. Seeking some sort of reason in the midst of that foolishness, he turned his eyes to Ai, hoping that he would pull him back down.

 

 

Rin caught Ai staring him with wide, credulous eyes, obviously considering the claim. The man felt slightly betrayed, uttering a displeased sound for an answer to his expression. Funny, how only then he noticed how similar to them he was after all.

 

 

 

”There must be a cure for them right?”, one of the angels suddenly brought up, regarding Rin’s wings. The question got everyone to stop whatever they were doing, and they kept looking at each other puzzled.

 

“Why don’t we just try to heal him? All at once?”, the blond suggested. The idea transmitted through the pack; causing some dispute on the way. The debating didn’t take long, as their opinions worked pretty much in unit, leading them to agree; the plan was worth a try. 

 

 

All worked up, they hurried to settle around Rin -forgetting to ask permission of course. The demon wasn’t too happy with the effusive attention, but couldn’t do much. Small, excited hands raised, and reached towards him one by one. Placing their palms on the other’s skin, the angels’ shut their eyes happily, concentrating on channeling their positive energy to him. Nothing like that had never been tried out before, so no one couldn’t be entirely sure of what would happen -but they had their hope. Similar to Ai, they were all highly optimistic; believing in the loyalty of sunrises, new beginnings and fresh possibilities.

 

 

Being placed at the center of foreign beings made the demon’s anxiety emerge. Instinctively scanning the mass of feathers, Rin looked out for Ai; but the blizzard around him disabled his field of vision irretrievably. The other had gotten lost in that ocean of pure white, drowned without a trace. It was enough to stir up the panic in the man’s stomach -He tried to wriggle free, but was unable to move. The situation was slipping further and further out of his control, and when he couldn’t find his love despite the relentless searches, his limit was officially reached. Detached yet captive, he decided that whatever the nervy pack was trying to do, it needed to stop _right now-_

 

 

-Then Ai’s head popped out from the fluff, right in front of him.

 

 

The angel took action right away -he knew exactly what was needed to halt the man’s anxiety. Raising his hands to cup Rin’s face, Ai reached out to speak to him. The recent quiet, lonely nights had had their attachment to each other grown so, they were practically unseparated now -Ai was reading his mind again, and hearing his loud, anxious heart he caressed the demon’s face soothingly. His compassionate little butterfly heart fluttering against his, he delicately ran his fingers in the red hair. He was standing tiptoeing, and pulling closer, he nuzzled his nose against Rin’s neck gently.

 

 

“ _Let them try it, please. It’ll be alright, trust me_ ”.

 

 

His lover’s touch earned immediate reaction from the man: his tense shoulders lowering to his level, his annoyed huff of breath steadied, alongside with his heart…  


 

Rin closed his eyes to the lovable sound of his love’s voice, concentrating to the sweet melody of it. Ai had his hands on the back of his head, and Rin let his upper body to be guided; held against the angel’s chest. He kept speaking to him; sweet words, whispered nothings, until Rin felt like blending into the soft murmur; letting his heavy being rest at last.

 

 

Letting go, the demon’s mind went slipping -and suddenly it wasn’t as scary as what he had expected; in fact, it felt more _safe_ than alarming. So confidently, he let the unawareness take over him. Soon he wouldn’t feel his limbs anymore, and the gravity was failing on him; the oppressor unleashing its grip.  


 

His burdensome body dissolving into that indescribable feeling, Rin fell into soft whiteness. His body warmed up, and the feeling circulated underneath his skin until the tip of his fingers. It was warm, wholesome and happy, and somehow a bit familiar, too -such as a homecoming, he deduced that he was recovering something from a long time ago.

 

There had been things locked inside of him, that he had carried on his back -and things he had missed unknowingly. What he had wanted, but had never got around to ask; in the moment, they all came together, and every piece fitted. The tight knots inside of his soul untied and at last, he was freed from the damage the labyrinth had caused.  


 

As a result, his lungs remembered again how to breathe easy. They had been full of dust and ashes for all those long decades -and feeling the air flow freely through his system, Rin abruptly remembered how _good_ being alive really felt.

 

 

Looking around, it was all soft and white. His feet didn’t register any weight, although it seemed like he was standing. The structure under his feet looked like stairs made of clouds, and something told him that it was there to indicate his time: where he stood now, versus the place where he was heading, and the place he was about to leave behind.

 

After a lifetime of pain, it was a relief to understand that his fate had already taken its course, that it had all been taken care of before him. Slowly he conformed to the thought, and everything was as it was supposed to be.  


 

There the anxiety of existence, the lingering thought of him wanting to be somewhere else, left him -evaporating into the thin air. As if the chains on his ankles had went to pieces, the old uncomfortable things -such as the children’s touch, vanished. He was above those things, weightlessly floating on the sky. And before his eyes, his experiences in stripes of light, fell from the clouds that unraveled at the seams. Unfolding in the horizon, the silent colors managed to purify the atmosphere, and the gold dripping from his veins made him fall in love with life in all new ways.

 

In that tranquility, so, so deep, he wondered still if he had already arrived into the afterlife -for living had never felt so easy and carefree. In that moment, everything was present -the lifetime of missed memories and feelings, all crammed in that short frame of time.

 

And it went on, until he felt like landing. Slowly, he receded from the white world; back to where he was standing, about to start over in the life that for the first time felt like his.

 

 

Rin opened his eyes. 

 

 

For his surprise, he hadn’t moved an inch. He also had no idea of how many minutes had passed, if any. Ai retrieved his hands before him and took a step back, so he could take a look at him. The others mimicked the move, stumbling slightly backwards; giving the man some space.

 

Rin had his head sorted out now. Slowly, he blinked before raising his eyes; and what he faced was the whole party locking their eyes to him. All that staring was a bit rude, he thought; and for a moment he felt bewildered -but after glancing down at his clothes, understood it.

 

 

They were white.

 

 

Rin’s heart jumped in his chest. The angel brought his hand above his head, but couldn’t find his horns -they were gone, gone with that black, depressing feeling from his soul. He felt _lighter_.

 

 

The angels stared one of them admiringly now. He was hardly recognizable; everything that had been black and dark, had turned light and pale. The slender body was covered with a white cloth, tied around the waist. It was the same than theirs, notifying that the man was significantly taller. After the healing he appeared to feel a bit out of place, but seemed otherwise fine.  


 

Rin had changed not only on physical, but on an emotional level too. Now the secret of the angel’s infinite energy dawned on him: he felt more awake, and more aware of the world around him. As if he had just roused from long-drawn-out sleep, the tasteless haze receded -allowing him to register his surroundings properly. The colors seemed more vivid -he could hear the lone bird’s song in the distance. It was amazing.

 

The change was truly impressive; his wings the most remarkable part of it. His earlier, unapproachable wings had now grown out feathers, the smooth fuzz sprouting from them like moss covering the bare surface of a stone. Only the pigmentation was a bit discolored, the shade weathered and tarnished to dark grey. The color lived through the grand canvas: gradually fading out towards the tips, the blackness sweetening away.  


But it was the only thing separating him from the others anymore. The man, dressed up in pure white from soles to crown, resembled the other angel’s in the room; declaring that now he was a part of them. The healing power of so many angels had done its magic, and reversed the black, evil spell of the labyrinth.

 

 

Rin turned to look at his love baffled, confused, and Ai, who never had experienced that particular expression decorating the man’s face, found it extremely cute and amusing. He broke into a wide smile, and it served as a signal to the others: as if a traffic light had turned green, they started hooraying and hugging each other. 

 

 

The happiest smile was spread across Ai’s lips. He could have never imagined that he would be chosen to witness a miracle in his lifetime, yet it had happened there; right before his eyes…  


 

There was just something so right about it. The man standing in front of him was quite changed appearance-wise, but still remained undoubtedly him. All that bleak blackness had always felt off with him, misrepresenting him -and now Ai knew the reason behind that. As odd as it was, Ai felt like that was what Rin was _supposed_ to look like; it matched his kind and lovable personality. The former had been deceiving, for the truth had always laid underneath his skin.  


 

What made him the happiest, was that now Rin would be welcomed to Heaven. He would’ve wanted to ask him how he felt, but his expression was a telltale -reflecting his thoughts, Rin’s smile flooded with the immense happiness the change had brought upon him, the wholesome feeling replacing the old misery.

 

 

Amid all the celebration, Ai and Rin maintained the eye-connection smiling. Because they knew: all that time it was meant to happen -there was a reason why they had felt drawn. It was, because they were meant to save each other. Their souls were the same after all, despite of how long the miraculous truth had been concealed from their eyes. All that mattered, was that now it was visible: in the way Ai smiled, and Rin’s expression answered his… Their fates were intertwined, their existences were completed within each other.

 

 

 

 

 

They walked back to the ruin garden: the kids bouncing ahead, and Rin and Ai hand in hand right after them.

 

The gate was there; a broken circle in the marble paving. It all made sense now -Ai remembered meeting similar construction in the ruined city. The little ones danced happily around the port, some of them already slipping in to bring the glad tidings first.

 

Turned out, that the entrance to the labyrinth had shifted after the other end had been sealed. As its original exit was placed in the ruin garden, the new was located somewhere in the sky, over the maze. From Heaven, the older angels had restored the path for the duration of the rescue. As the youngsters were strolling and searching, they kept the portal open, waiting for them to return -with or without the lost ones.

 

The seekers disappeared into the light one by one. The last ones excitedly pushed the two of them forward, towards the gate, until it was their time to go.

 

 

The newborn angel stared at the gate worriedly, considering the invitation. He had already undergone an enormous change once that day -his head felt messy just for trying to comprehend _another_. Rin felt utterly lost and vulnerable in front of the thought of Heaven, although it hadn’t yet happened. 

 

For all his life he had been there, waiting… Looking at the moon, and wondering what’s behind it and the heavy stars. The labyrinth had been definitely disturbing, but at least he had had his place in there. It had been his _home_ , for all those lonely years… No matter how cold, it had been stable, and roomy enough for him. Stuck in that cramped microcosm, he would never have guessed how his life would change. It had gone upside down a few months ago already, and now this; a new chance, a total rebirth altogether. Glowing, awaiting him behind that envelope… A brand-new world, with thousands of possibilities, and ten thousand roads to run away. The vastness of the image made Rin afraid; afraid of another unknown.

 

His indefinable fear was the future detachment -for he couldn’t be entirely sure, if he would ever integrate to the Heaven. For he knew nobody there, and no one would go through the trouble of getting to know him. How would they welcome him, a former demon, to be a part of them? Would he finally attain a sense of belonging, against all odds? The step he was about to take was about to change everything he had ever known, that was for sure.

 

 

In the middle of his uncertainty and doubt, he felt a small hand grab his. As a response to the touch, Rin let his gaze down, and met those familiarly calming blue eyes.

 

 

“ _Rin_ ”, Ai’s voice had a loving, soft tone. 

 

 

 

“ _Let’s go home”_.

 

 

 

The smaller angel’s smile seemed to shed light, and it shone across to Rin; lighting him up too in a way… His hand in his, and all his familiarity and radiation -it offered him all the stability he could possibly need. It reminded him that he wasn’t alone, no matter what decision he would end up in. And he wouldn’t be alone -for _Ai_ would be with him there, like he had been with him in the labyrinth. He knew Ai to the core, his insecurities and fears he had learned by heart, just like he had done with him. It was so much -their love was so much. And he would always have it, he understood -and he put his faith in it. 

 

Gaining a new kind of determination, Rin delivered his decision to him with his expression. He would want to see what awaited behind that gate. Specifically; he knew Ai would want to go, and wherever he would want, he would follow him. For wherever he was, he belonged there too; it was his home, the status that the labyrinth had lost. The labyrinth couldn’t overdo the good things after all; and he wouldn’t wish his fate for anyone. Not afraid anymore; but with a brave mind, the angel finally felt ready to dive into the future. 

 

Fresh hope in his chest, Rin turned his gaze again, fixing it to the entrance of the Heaven.

 

 

“ _…Okay_ ”.

 

 

His hand was given an encouraging squeeze as they stepped forward, into the light. It was more than just a light at the end of the tunnel: it told the story of thousands of reunites, of every lover in the world. The moment was calm and beautiful; it seemed that they were both happy, and it was something they wouldn’t take for granted ever again. The light embraced them, too ethereal for words; shimmering through two pairs of wings. The song hidden in their nervous smiles and interlocked fingers echoed from deep of their hearts, reaching its way out. They had made peace with themselves.  


 

Now, the feeling was altering, shifting to the sense of peace with another person -peace of being together. Two lost ones, who were missing the daylight were now found, and the sun upon their lives would never set.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EPILOGUE 

 

 

The first days in the Heaven were confusing for Rin. The word got out quickly -the lost ones had been found. His friends were happy to have him back –they even got the introverted one out to greet him. Rin didn’t recognize anyone, but it didn’t seem to matter -he felt comfortable around them all the same. Everybody else wanted to meet the legendary lost angel too, their curiosity kind and enthusiastic. Although Rin still came across awkward and mistrustful, their friendliness softened his defenses a little. Ai stayed by his side and squeezed his hand the whole time, and it was for a lot of help. Rin made sure to send a jealous glance over anyone who tried to approach Ai to pet his head.

 

Ai, on the other hand, felt shy among the taller angels he didn’t know. That was, until being told how proud they were of him by the brown-haired one. He had brought their precious friend home after all -and for the compliments the little angel would grin delightedly. Ai had never gotten so much attention -the small one couldn’t help the wildly deepening blush on his cheeks, perplexed yet pleased. Nevertheless, he was happy to get back home -and Rin’s hand in his helped him to keep his chin up.

 

 

The inoperative gate was being destroyed, shutting down the warp at last. Sealing off the way to the labyrinth, they isolated the kingdom of misery forever and ever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About Rin and Ai?

 

Watching them, made everyone wish they would also experience life the way they did. Indeed, they made a very enviable couple, so happy and gentle. Their love was tender like newborn angel’s wings, and they hold it true: for they both lived like for the first time.  


 

For them, every sunrise was a miracle; the promise of a new day thrilled them. The ones who didn’t understand, did not know what they had went through. For each of them had nearly visited death; life overall was an invaluable gift, and life _together_ was something never to be taken for granted.

 

Looking back their journey, it seemed that it had all been necessary... All the pain and adversities that had wounded them, had also driven them into each other's arms. They knew how it feels, to be stuck with your life -repeating the same, ever so disappointing pattern that gets you nowhere -they could recognize the weariness in each other. It got them around to drop their armors, and welcome the other. Trading the old emptiness for new kind of contentment, so they would be no strangers, but chosen by the love. Sharing the same mindset had changed them both forever, their experience linking them tightly together -their bond was sure to last.

 

 

At the very beginning, Rin had been a labyrinth -cold and unreachable. And while Ai had fought to figure him out, he had found the same features in himself. All bottled up emotionally, he had kept himself away from the edge. But being literally, physically stuck had forced them to confront their vulnerability, and it had taught them to accept it -to come to terms with one’s weakness. And what was left after everything melted away; his bare heart. Rin found it immeasurable precious; a beautiful, cozy spot to live on regardless the raging world around them;  


 

In the heart of the labyrinth.

 

 

 

What came afterwards, was just as worthy. Serene days traveled through Heaven as an uninterruptible current, and there was nothing to break the everlasting tranquility.

 

They watched the dust light glow, dusk falling softly upon them. What they were going to do that evening, or on a day after that, held no significance. All that mattered was them, and the flow of time sounded gentle for the first time ever. It didn’t bother them, for there was nothing to worry. 

 

 

Turning towards him, Ai watched his lover with fond, half-lidded eyes. He couldn’t comprehend how he had got so lucky, to get permission to love and to be loved; but some things are good even unexplained. The feeling was sweet like sunlit honey, and it was all he needed.  


 

After being able to leave behind all the pain of the past, he had been happier than ever. Seeing Rin emerge from his shell more and more every day, made Ai fall in love with him more -he took heart with growing alongside him. In the passing of time, even the shade of Rin’s wings had started to clarify; appearing more and more white every passing day.

 

With everywhere to go and anything to be, they still chose each other to live in. It wasn’t a hard decision to make, nothing to ‘give up’ for -just a matter of dedication, devotion, and trust. Their small room wasn’t a prison holding them in anymore -the open sky posed as a restrictor no more. The teapot lid was open, but suddenly, they didn’t want to go anymore -for they had everything they could wish for in each other. The whole wide world awaited, but they had their world in their hands already, and it was right there.

 

 

Rin had probably felt his stare in his neck, because he was now facing him, turned around on his heels. Kneeling down upon his knees, he laid down on the bed of grass next to his love.  


 

The garden was bathing with gentle light, open gates allowing the angels to come and go as they pleased. In their inviolable intimacy, Ai giggled among the tender touches, the blades of grass tickling their skin. The melody of his laughter was the most beautiful sound in the world for Rin, he would never get tired of it. Bending his broad wings over them, the grown angel sheltered him from the sun.  


 

A delighted grin spread over his lips, Rin ran his gaze over the smaller angel’s features. He tried to memorize them: the smoothness of his plump cheeks, the shape of his cute nose, the marvelous beauty mark under his left eye… For him, it was the most important task imaginable. Pressing his lips together, the angel concentrated hard -he didn’t want to forget any of the various, glorious details. His unintentional intensity only made Ai laugh harder, raising his hands to cover the delicate blush. Rin broke into laughter too; for his heart was swelling with enjoyment and joy; and playfully dipped down to kiss the boy’s trembling lips. It was perfect.

 

 

They kept giving the other new reasons to love, while helping them to improve; their little talks and slow mornings never losing their sweetness. Feeling the warmth of the shattered sunbeams on their bodies, they laid locked in an embrace, and the days of the sun above their heads never came to an end.

 

 

The sun upon their lives would never set.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first had the idea for this AU in summer 2014.  
> At first their relationships was supposed to be unhealthy, but it soon occurred me that I could never write anything like that.
> 
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> I started writing in November 2015.  
> It was quite a challenge, as I had never written anything, except for some poems, before in my life. I genuinely thought no one would be interested in this, but I wanted to put it out there nevertheless. I thought I'd be happy even if only one person was willing to read it.
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> In July 2016 I started publishing this in here.  
> I remember sitting in a bathroom stall at my summer job, neglecting work in order to read your comments. I was surprised by how many I received, and I'm still thankful for every single one.
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> It's now April 2017.  
> A lot happened during this journey, in good and in bad. I consider it all a lesson. And before I forgot to mention: I got a little help with grammar from @nitorious_ai in chapter 1, and @WingedSong beta'd chapters 4-7. Thank you!  
> (I made the latter cry with chp 6. Hell, she doesn't even ship these two. lol)
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> To be honest, I thought about quitting many times. The thought was stuck with me all the way until the end.  
> While the language was a struggle, my self-doubt was a major struggle; whether my metaphors were overused, my plot nonexistent, my synonyms lacking accuracy, my grammar flawed...! I suppose I never valued the effort I've poured into this work. Still, having so many of you behind the screen, supporting and encouraging me from there, always managed to push me forward.
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> This work has 1153 hits, 71 kudos, 13 bookmarks and 106 comments at the moment I'm writing this.  
> I kind of consider this text my child, does it sound weird? Because of so much I've given to it through the years. It has given me at least as much back.  
> I hope I was able to give people joy and other emotions via it, and I hope you'll appreciate it even in the future.
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> Please don't forget them.
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> /Then again, I'm not done yet!  
> Writing became one of my dear hobbies unawares during this journey. I still have like, thousands of ideas for other Rintori stories; from oneshots to other multi-chaptered stories! Right now, I'm working on a Steven universe -themed crossover story. It'll also feature Momo and Sousuke, while still having Rintori at the center. It'll hopefully be a little more dialogue- and plotcentric than this story, and therefore a little less stressful to me haha. Unfortunately, it'll most likely take another year or so. I hope I'll be able to drop off something light and breezy a little sooner than that. Would anyone be interested?
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> Please, take care!
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